What helps children understand that not everyone likes high-fives or cuddles? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children often assume that the ways they show affection, such as high-fives or cuddles, are universally welcome. They need to learn that personal boundaries vary, and respecting these differences is an essential part of kindness. 

Acknowledge Your Child’s Feelings 

Begin by acknowledging your child’s feelings: ‘You enjoy giving high-fives and hugs, and it is wonderful that you are friendly. Some friends may not feel the same way right now, and that is okay.’ Validating their desire to connect while recognising differences prevents the child from feeling rejected. Use everyday examples, like classmates who wave instead of hugging, to illustrate that people express comfort in varied ways. 

Use Stories and Role-Play 

Stories and role-play are highly effective tools. Create simple scenarios where one character enjoys hugs but another prefers waves or fist bumps. Ask your child, ‘How can each character show friendship safely?’ Practising these interactions helps children to internalise respectful options and see that affection is meaningful only when it is received willingly. 

Reinforce Respectful Language 

Reinforce language for expressing care without forcing physical contact. Encourage your child to say phrases like, ‘Would you like a high-five?’ or ‘May I give you a hug?’ This teaches that asking permission is part of kindness. Praise your child when they successfully respect the choices of others: ‘You asked before hugging your friend; that was thoughtful and considerate.’ Over time, these experiences help children to link respect for comfort with social competence and empathy. 

Model the Behaviour Yourself 

Additionally, model these behaviours yourself. Consistently ask permission before hugging family members or greeting friends. Narrate your actions briefly: ‘I asked Auntie if she wanted a hug. She preferred a wave.’ This reinforces learning through observation and demonstrates that even adults follow the same rules of respectful interaction. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam emphasises honouring others and recognising the dignity inherent in each person. Teaching children that people have different comfort levels with physical affection aligns with the principles of empathy, respect, and gentle conduct that Allah Almighty commands. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Isra (17), Verse 70: 

‘And We have certainly honoured the children of Adam and carried them on the land and sea and provided for them of the good things and preferred them over much of what We have created, with definite preference…’ 

This verse reminds us that every human being is honoured and possesses unique preferences and sensitivities. Helping children to understand that not everyone likes the same forms of physical affection reinforces respect for this divinely-given dignity. Children learn that recognising differences is not a limitation but a way to show care. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2609, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong is not the one who overpowers others in wrestling or fighting; the strong is the one who controls his anger when angry.’ 

This Hadith demonstrates that true strength lies in self-restraint and awareness of the feelings of others. Parents can link this principle to everyday interactions: choosing to ask permission before physical contact, or accepting alternative greetings, is a way of showing strength and thoughtfulness. You can explain to your child, ‘When you notice that a friend prefers a wave over a hug, you are being strong and respectful, just like Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught us.’