What Helps a Child Say They Need a Break from Hugs or Kisses? 

Parenting Perspective 

Many parents and relatives show their affection through hugs and kisses, but not every child feels comfortable receiving them at all times. When a child hesitates or withdraws, they are not rejecting love; they are often asserting a boundary they do not yet have the words to explain. Teaching a child that their body belongs to them is one of the earliest and most powerful lessons in emotional safety, modesty, and self-respect. 

Normalise the Right to Say ‘No, Thank You’ 

Begin by telling your child clearly, ‘Your body belongs to you. It is okay to say no if you do not want a hug right now.’ Using these exact words builds confidence. Reassure them that refusing affection does not mean they are being rude; it means they are being respectful to themselves and honest with others. 

To model this, you can say in front of relatives, ‘They do not feel like having hugs today, but they would be happy to wave or say salaam instead.’ This subtly educates your family that affection should be invited, not demanded. 

Replace Awkwardness with Alternatives 

Give your child other ways to show warmth, such as a handshake, a high-five, a smile, or a verbal greeting. Many children feel pressured to accept physical affection because they are not aware they can choose another form. Let them decide what feels right in the moment. This helps to build a healthy sense of autonomy that will benefit them in all their future relationships. 

You can practise at home through gentle role-play: ‘What could you say if you do not want a kiss right now?’ Praise their suggestions with warmth, saying something like, ‘That is a kind and confident way to handle it.’ 

Speak with Relatives in Advance 

If you know that certain relatives insist on hugs, it can be helpful to have a private word with them before a gathering. You could say, ‘We are helping the children learn about body boundaries. Please do not take it personally if they do not want a hug. They are just practising how to express themselves respectfully.’ Framing it as a developmental skill helps others to understand that it is about safety and self-awareness, not disobedience. 

Teach the Importance of Reciprocity 

Remind your child that just as they can say no to touch, they must also respect it when others do the same. This reciprocity teaches empathy and dignity. You might say, ‘We always ask before hugging someone because we want them to feel comfortable too.’ Through this, your child learns that consent is a form of kindness, not confrontation. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam honours both affection and personal dignity. The body is an amanah, a sacred trust from Allah Almighty, and must be treated with respect. Encouraging your child to express their comfort or discomfort is an act of mindfulness that teaches them that setting boundaries is a part of faith and self-respect. 

Respect as a Part of Divine Trust 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 70: 

‘Indeed, We (Allah Almighty) have honoured the descendants of Adam; and fostered them over the land and the sea; and provided sustenance for them with purified nourishment; and We gave them preferential treatment over many of those (species) We have created with special privileges.’ 

This verse reminds us that every human being, including a child, is honoured by Allah Almighty. Teaching a child to protect their personal space is part of upholding that divine dignity. It helps them to internalise that their body is precious and must never be touched in a way that makes them feel uneasy. 

The Prophet’s ﷺ Example of Gentle Respect 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4807, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The believer is gentle and easy with others, and not harsh or hard-hearted.’ 

This teaches us that love and gentleness go hand in hand. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ showed affection with kindness and sensitivity, never with forcefulness. His compassion respected both emotional and physical comfort, reflecting the balance of affection and good manners (adab) that Islam upholds. When we teach children to express their comfort kindly, we help them to embody this prophetic gentleness. 

A child who feels free to say ‘not right now’ learns that love does not disappear when boundaries are expressed. Instead, it deepens, becoming mutual and respectful. When you protect your child’s comfort, you are not discouraging affection but refining it into something purer. 

Over time, your relatives may come to appreciate this approach as one that nurtures both emotional confidence and Islamic modesty. Your child, in turn, will learn that warmth and respect can coexist beautifully, and that affection is sweetest when it is given and received with sincerity. This balance reflects the essence of faith itself: mercy with mindfulness, love with respect, and tenderness shaped by divine wisdom.