Parenting Perspective 

Children naturally seek recognition, which feels reassuring, but this desire carries the risk of their motivation becoming entirely external. Effort is sustained only if someone notices it. Developing internal drive requires cultivating consistent habits that link sincere effort to personal growth, satisfaction, and purpose, rather than relying solely on applause. The ultimate goal is for the child to feel energised by the act of learning and doing itself. 

Encourage Self Reflection on Effort 

Guide children to pause and acknowledge their own work before anyone else does. This shifts the reward source inward. 

• Intrinsic Reward Questions: Ask thoughtful questions like: ‘How did focusing carefully make you feel?’ or ‘Which part of this challenge made you proud of your own effort?’ This prompts them to identify intrinsic rewards (pride in diligence, patience). 

• Micro-action: After a task, sit together for one or two minutes and let them describe what they noticed about their own effort, keeping your responses minimal to reinforce self-recognition. 

Build Routines That Highlight Process Over Outcome 

Consistently celebrate the milestones of effort quietly, rather than waiting for external praise or focusing on generic accolades. 

• Process Statements: Use statements like ‘I saw how focused you were today’ or ‘Your commitment to practicing really shows,’ which links satisfaction to the process itself. 

• Goal Reinforcement: Encourage small personal goals (e.g., finishing a chapter, practising for ten minutes daily). This links motivation to incremental achievement rather than public validation. 

Model Intrinsic Motivation 

Children keenly observe parents. Demonstrate effort for its own sake—preparing a meal, completing tasks—and verbalise the internal reward. 

• Verbalise Internal Satisfaction: Quietly comment: ‘I am glad I worked steadily on this today; it feels satisfying to see it done well.’ 

• Show Effort as Reward: This modelling demonstrates that sustained effort is its own reward and that internal satisfaction outweighs the need for external applause. 

Gradually Reduce Praise as Primary Reinforcement 

As a child develops internal motivation, gradually shift affirmation from a controlling mechanism to a supportive one. 

• Pair and Fade: Initially, pair praise with internal reflection (e.g., “That’s great, how did you know to do that?”). Over time, slowly allow them to experience accomplishment without immediate verbal reinforcement. 

• Building Autonomy (Micro-action): Pause a routine praise moment and ask your child, ‘How do you feel about what you did today?’ This builds internal motivation while keeping praise as supportive, not controlling. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam fundamentally teaches that sincerity (ikhlas) and intention (niyyah) form the foundation of all action, fostering resilience beyond immediate recognition. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran in Surah Al Insaan (76), Verse 9: 

‘Indeed, (they say in their hearts): “We are only feeding you for the sake of Allah (Almighty); we do not seek from you any reward or any gratitude”.’ 

This verse teaches that actions motivated by purpose and sincerity carry true value, independently of external recognition or applause. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 1, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Actions are judged by intentions, and every person will have only what they intended.’ 

By connecting effort to pure intention rather than applause, children learn that their own commitment, thoughtfulness, and integrity hold intrinsic worth, reinforcing the lifelong habit of self-motivation and spiritual alignment.