Parenting Perspective 

When a grandmother gives in to a child’s every demand, even the small ones, it can unintentionally hinder the child’s ability to develop patience and self-control. The virtue of patience is built when children learn how to wait, accept reasonable limits, and sometimes face disappointment. If every wish is granted immediately, the child misses the crucial opportunity to practise these essential life skills. 

Undermining Delayed Gratification 

Children need to experience delayed gratification, which is the process of learning that not every desire can or will be fulfilled instantly. Without this important training, they may become less tolerant of waiting, more prone to frustration, and may even become more demanding with other people outside of the home. 

The Risk of Fostering Entitlement 

When a child realises that they only need to ask their grandmother to get whatever they want, they may begin to expect the same instant treatment everywhere they go. This can foster a sense of entitlement, which can make school, friendships, and future relationships more difficult, as others will not always give in to their demands. 

Tension Between Parents and Grandparents 

Parents may set clear boundaries for their child’s long-term benefit, but if the grandmother consistently overrides these by always saying “yes”, the child learns how to bypass parental authority. This dynamic weakens the parents’ role, confuses the child about who truly sets the rules, and can cause unnecessary tension within the family. 

Nurturing Patience Without Withholding Love 

Grandmothers can still show their immense affection and generosity while helping a child to develop patience. This can be achieved by: 

• Allowing the child to wait a little while before receiving treats or toys. 

• Actively supporting the parents’ boundaries rather than bypassing them. 

• Teaching through storytelling or their own lived examples that good things often come with time and effort. 

This balanced approach allows the child to feel deeply loved while also learning the invaluable qualities of resilience and self-control, which will serve them throughout their entire life. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam emphasises both the importance of showing kindness to grandparents and the responsibility of elders to help guide children wisely. Overindulgence may feel like an expression of love, but it can unintentionally harm a child’s moral and spiritual growth by weakening their ability to practise sabr (patience). 

The Value of Patience 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verses 153: 

‘O those of you who are believers, seek assistance (from Allah Almighty) through resilience and prayer, indeed, Allah (Almighty) is with those that are resilient.’ 

This verse highlights patience as a key virtue in Islam, one that is essential for developing spiritual strength and resilience in the face of life’s challenges. 

Guidance from the Prophet ﷺ 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 26, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘No one has been given a gift better and more encompassing than patience.’ 

This teaches us that the ability to be patient is one of the greatest blessings that a believer can possess, and is far more valuable than any form of material indulgence. 

By showing their affection within healthy limits, grandparents can teach children that love also involves guidance. When a grandmother encourages patience rather than granting every single request, she is actively supporting the child’s spiritual and emotional development. This ensures that her love translates into a lasting strength of character for her grandchild, rather than just providing them with short-term satisfaction.