What Do I Say When They Ask Why Certain Foods Are Tied to Mourning or Joy? 

Parenting Perspective 

When your child asks why particular foods are consistently linked with strong emotions such as mourning or celebration, you must guide them to understand that food functions as a powerful language of care. As humans, we often express through food what our words cannot easily convey—sweetness to visibly mark joy, simplicity to demonstrate humility, or shared meals to offer tangible comfort during grief. You might explain this principle clearly: ‘Specific dishes serve to remind people to be present and together when their hearts feel either heavy with sorrow or light with happiness. These customs are not based on rigid rules; they are fundamentally about togetherness and mutual support.’ Framing the customs in this manner helps children view food as an essential emotional and cultural bridge, rather than as mere superstition. 

Reflecting on Flavour and Feeling 

Invite your child to consciously reflect on how certain flavours, specific food preparations, and the act of communal gathering influence their feelings. For example, following Eid, you should observe: ‘Notice how sharing those sweet desserts makes everyone smile—that is our deliberate way of actively spreading gratitude and celebrating our blessings.’ Conversely, after a funeral, explain gently: ‘People bring simple food so that the grieving family does not feel isolated or burdened by domestic duties. It is a profound act of empathy.’ When children begin to grasp the clear emotional and moral reasoning behind these customs, they learn a vital lesson: that faith is comprehensive and compassionately touches every part of life, even the very food served at the table. 

Distinguishing Practice from Principle 

It is important that you guide your children to distinguish thoughtfully between cultural practice and mandatory religious teaching. Not every tradition is an obligatory religious duty, yet most cultural food practices grew organically from core values that Islam profoundly celebrates—such as compassion, generosity, remembrance, and gratitude. Encourage a spirit of curiosity in your child, but without judgment towards the traditions.  

Spiritual Insight 

The Islamic tradition places great emphasis on both thankfulness during times of joy and communal support during times of hardship. When these customs are observed within the clear, compassionate boundaries of Islam, they transform into gentle yet powerful reminders of the compassion that faith demands. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Ankabut (29), Verse 57: 

‘Every soul will taste death. Then to Us will you be returned…’ 

This verse imparts the fundamental theological reality that loss is a universal and inescapable human experience, and that sincere remembrance of Allah and the inevitable return to Him is an intrinsic part of faith. When families engage in the custom of sharing food in mourning, the act is not driven by ritual for its own sake; it is fundamentally about easing hearts, offering genuine comfort to the bereaved, honouring the memory of the deceased, and expressing gratitude to Allah Almighty for the gift of life that was lived.  

The spirit of giving freely extends into both our moments of happiness and our moments of sorrow, serving to strengthen the bonds of the Muslim community. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2130, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:  

 ‘Give gifts to one another, for gifts remove ill will from the hearts.’ 

Though this Hadith specifically refers to gifts, its generous spirit unequivocally extends to the consistent sharing of food during times of both collective happiness and shared sorrow. In this context, offering food becomes a practical gift of empathy—an effective way to gently heal hearts, sustain the weary, and profoundly strengthen community bonds. When you teach your child that the food shared in joy or grief is ultimately about propagating and expressing love, not merely performing rote cultural rituals, you help them to see that your traditions are deeply rooted expressions of the very mercy that Islam invites every believer to live by, in every single season of the heart and soul.