Parenting Perspective 

When a child says they feel like their parents only instruct and never listen, the emotional core is one of frustration and invisibility. They feel unheard and undervalued, even if their parents are well-meaning. Your first step is to acknowledge their experience: ‘I understand it feels like I only give you directions. Thank you for telling me how that feels for you.’ This validation communicates respect and opens the door to a real dialogue. 

Shift from Monologue to Dialogue 

Children crave reciprocal communication, not one-way guidance. Instead of immediately correcting or instructing, try practising reflective listening. You can repeat back what you hear them saying and ask clarifying questions: ‘So, what I hear you saying is that you feel frustrated when I tell you what to do without asking for your thoughts first. Is that right?’ You can put this into practice tonight by choosing one small routine and asking for their input before giving any directions. This signals that their voice genuinely matters. 

Introduce Shared Problem-Solving 

Look for opportunities to transform your instructions into moments of joint decision-making. For instance, if the issue is their bedtime routine, you could involve them by saying, ‘Let us decide together on a routine that works for both of us.’ This reframes your relationship from one based on authority to one of collaboration and trust. 

Demonstrate Listening in Visible Ways 

Children notice your actions just as much as your words. When they are speaking to you, make a conscious effort to maintain eye contact and pause what you are doing. Even a brief acknowledgement, such as, ‘I hear you, let us think about this together,’ signals immense respect. Over time, these consistent cues will help your child to feel valued, making them more willing to share instead of retreating or rebelling. 

Spiritual Insight 

The acts of listening with patience and engaging in consultation are deeply embedded in Islamic teachings. They highlight that mutual respect is just as important as guidance itself. Children flourish emotionally and spiritually when they feel their opinions are welcomed, not dismissed. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verse 38: 

‘And those people that respond to (the commandments of) their Sustainer, and establish prayer, and conduct their affairs between each other through consultation, and spend (generously) from the sustenance We have provided them.’ 

This verse underscores the importance of consultation (shura) in the life of a believer. By practising it at home, you teach your child that listening is a spiritual act that nurtures both empathy and humility within the family. 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 1313, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The one who does not show mercy to others will not be shown mercy…’ 

Listening attentively is a direct and powerful expression of mercy and respect. It teaches a child that they are a valued member of the family. When parents actively listen, their children not only feel emotionally safe but also learn how to practise compassionate communication themselves. 

By transforming instructions into listening-centred conversations, parents can instil a deep sense of trust and empathy in their children. This reminds them that their home is a sanctuary for dialogue, understanding, and mutual respect under the guidance of Allah Almighty.