What do I say when my child feels ‘left out’ because our tech rules are stricter than their friends’? 

Parenting Perspective 

When your child compares your family’s tech rules to their friends’ more relaxed approach, they can feel singled out or unfairly treated. Your goal is to acknowledge their feelings while gently reaffirming the deeper purpose behind your family’s choices. 

Acknowledge Without Dismissing 

Start by validating their experience. Instead of dismissing their concerns with a phrase like, ‘Well, that is just how it is in our house,’ try saying, ‘I understand it must feel difficult when your friends have different rules. I would probably feel that way too.’ Acknowledging their feelings shows you are on their side. 

Share the Why Clearly 

Calmly explain that your family’s rules are designed to protect their health, time, and relationships, not to punish them. Use concrete and positive examples, such as how getting enough sleep helps with sports, or how device-free evenings make time for fun family activities. 

Help Them Find Other Ways to Belong 

Actively help them find ways to connect with their friends that align with your family’s values. This might involve encouraging face-to-face meetings, organising group activities, or exploring shared hobbies that do not revolve around screens. 

By blending empathy with a clear explanation, you help your child understand that your rules are an act of care, not control. This approach also gives them practical tools to maintain friendships without compromising your family’s principles. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam encourages us to prioritise what is right and beneficial over what is simply popular. It teaches the value of remaining steadfast in our principles, even when others take a different path. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Maaidah (5), Verse 100: 

‘Say (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ): “The evil and the pure cannot be equated (in any way whatsoever), even though you may be bewildered by many of the evil actions; so, O you people of intellect (and wisdom) seek piety from Allah (Almighty), so that you may be successful.”…’ 

This reminds us that the value of a choice is not measured by its popularity, but by its inherent goodness and benefit. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2518, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Leave that which makes you doubt for that which does not make you doubt.’ 

This teaches us to choose the path that brings certainty and peace to our hearts and well-being, even if it differs from the choices of others. 

By explaining your reasons with compassion and reinforcing that your family’s decisions are guided by care and core values, you help your child feel secure on their own path, even when it looks different from everyone else’s.