What do I do when grandparents send cash to one child and forget the other? 

Parenting Perspective 

When one child receives cash from grandparents while the other is forgotten, it can create a deep sense of unfairness and hurt. Children are very attuned to differences in treatment and may feel excluded, less loved, or unimportant. As a parent, your role is to help them navigate these feelings in a way that teaches fairness and gratitude, rather than resentment. This situation is an opportunity to model empathy and communication, showing your children that life’s inequities do not diminish their worth. 

Acknowledge the Hurt and Disappointment 

Start by acknowledging the feelings of the child who was left out. ‘I can see that you are upset because you did not get anything from your grandparents this time. It is okay to feel that way, so let us talk about it together’. This validation helps the child feel heard and understood, without dismissing their emotional response. By giving them space to express their disappointment, you set the stage for a constructive dialogue. 

Reframe the Situation and Emphasise Love 

Gently remind both children that gifts are not a reflection of how loved they are. You could say, ‘Grandparents give gifts to show love, and sometimes they make mistakes. That does not mean they love you any less’. Focus on reassuring the child who did not receive a gift that they are equally loved and that the oversight does not diminish their worth. 

Promote Gratitude and Address the Issue Calmly 

Encourage the child who was left out to practise gratitude for what they do have, such as their family’s love and support. For example, ‘We are grateful for our grandparents’ love. Sometimes they forget, but that does not change how much they care about you’. Also, let them know that you will handle the situation with the grandparents. You can then calmly and diplomatically explain the situation to them, especially if this is a recurring oversight. Encourage open communication while avoiding the creation of rivalry between the children. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islamic teachings remind us that fairness, justice, and love are core values guiding our actions. While human actions can be imperfect, Islam encourages patience, understanding, and gratitude for what we have, knowing that every blessing, big or small, comes from Allah Almighty. This is a moment to teach your children that life is not about receiving material gifts, but about appreciating the love of family and understanding that divine provisions are always perfect. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 286: 

‘Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear.’ 

This verse reminds us that whatever happens, including moments of perceived unfairness, is within Allah Almighty’s wisdom. The child who feels left out is being guided through an experience that can strengthen their patience and understanding. Life is full of opportunities for growth, and this moment, though difficult, can be part of that journey. 

It is recorded in Bulugh al-Maram, Hadith 184, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and treat your children equally.’ 

This hadith stresses the importance of fairness. Although grandparents may have made an unintentional mistake, this moment allows you as a parent to model equity, showing your children how to handle such situations with grace. By practising fairness and encouraging empathy, you help them grow into compassionate individuals who value love over material wealth. 

Through this guidance, you instil in your children the spiritual truth that love is measured not by gifts or money, but by the sincerity of intention and the grace with which we handle life’s challenges.