What can I teach for self-soothing that is not food or screens? 

Parenting Perspective 

When children feel upset, bored, or restless, many instinctively reach for food or screens. This is understandable, as both offer quick comfort and distraction. However, lasting emotional resilience grows when children learn gentler ways to calm themselves without relying on external fixes. Self-soothing is not about ‘snapping out of’ a feeling; it is about learning how to care for one’s emotions with presence, compassion, and a sense of balance.

 

Start by Naming the Underlying Need 

Before teaching new strategies, it is helpful to guide your child in recognising what they are actually seeking when they turn to snacks or screens. You can say, ‘Sometimes when we feel sad, worried, or tired, we look for something to help us feel better. Let us find a few other things that can help your heart to calm down, too.’ This shifts the focus from ‘do not do that’ to ‘let us add new choices.’ The approach is one of replacement, not restriction, which empowers your child instead of shaming them. 

Build a Tangible ‘Calm Kit’ Together 

Children often respond well to tangible, hands-on tools. You can create a small box or basket of self-soothing items that they can turn to when big feelings arise. 

• A soft blanket or a cuddly toy for tactile comfort. 

• A smooth stone, a stress ball, or a fidget toy for grounding. 

• Scented lotion or a natural oil to smell or rub gently on their hands. 

• Paper and pencils for doodling or writing out their worries. 

• A printed list of calming activities or short du’as to read. 

Having a physical ‘calm kit’ gives structure to emotional care and provides a practical anchor for intangible feelings. 

Teach Grounding Through the Body 

A child’s emotions often manifest physically. Helping them to reconnect with their body is a powerful way to teach self-regulation. 

• Deep breathing: Teach them ‘flower and candle’ breathing: ‘Smell the flower (inhale slowly), then blow out the candle (exhale gently).’ 

• Muscle relaxation: Ask them to squeeze their fists tight for a few seconds and then release them, noticing how the feeling of tension leaves their hands. 

• Movement: A short walk, some gentle stretching, or bouncing a ball can help to shift emotional energy through the body instead of suppressing it. 

These activities help to regulate the nervous system, allowing the wave of emotion to pass more peacefully. 

Encourage Emotional Words, Not Emotional Habits 

Instead of silencing difficult feelings, teach your child how to name them. You can use a simple scale: ‘Right now, I feel calm, okay, upset, or really upset.’ The more they are able to describe their emotions with words, the less control those emotions will have over them. You can model this in your own life: ‘I am feeling a bit stressed right now, so I am going to take a few deep breaths before I continue.’ This shows them that self-soothing is a normal life skill for all ages. 

Spiritual Insight 

From an Islamic perspective, true and lasting calm does not come from distraction; it comes from remembrance (dhikr) and trust in Allah Almighty. Teaching a child to turn inward and upward, instead of outward to screens or food, plants the seeds of tawakkul (reliance on Allah) early in life. 

Finding Tranquillity Through Remembrance 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Ra’ad (13), Verse 28: 

‘Those people who are believers, and attain serenity of their hearts with the remembrance of Allah (Almighty); indeed, it is only with the remembrance of Allah (Almighty) that one can (and does) find peace of mind and heart.‘ 

This verse reminds us that peace of heart is not found in constant activity, but in connection with the Divine. When your child feels unsettled, you can encourage them to breathe slowly while saying, ‘SubhanAllah, Alhamdulillah, Allahu Akbar.’ Even this simple act of remembrance can help to settle a stormy heart. 

The Prophetic Example of Calm and Gentleness 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4807, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Be gentle, for gentleness adorns every act; when it is removed, the act becomes tainted.’ 

This teaches us that a state of calmness, not of haste or harshness, is the path to strength. You can encourage your child to practise gentleness first and foremost with themselves: to breathe, to rest, and to choose a kind and patient response over an immediate reaction. 

You can teach your child a simple du’a to use in their anxious moments: ‘Ya Allah, help my heart to feel calm and remind me that You are near.’ When a child uses faith-based self-soothing techniques, they learn that they are never alone in their struggle. Their heart begins to associate a feeling of peace not with screens or sweets, but with remembrance and stillness. When you teach your child to find comfort in remembrance, breath, and gentleness instead of in instant fixes, you are helping them to grow into an emotionally wise believer, one who knows that true calm is found not in distraction, but in returning to the One who is the source of all peace.