What can I say to my child when they feel they are not clever enough? 

Parental Perspective 

Reassure Them That Effort Matters Most 

When your child feels they are not clever; the most powerful thing you can offer is reassurance rooted in truth and love. Tell them gently, ‘Your worth is in how you try, how kind you are, and how much effort you give, not in your score or how fast you get something.’ Let them know that struggling does not mean failing; it means growing. 

Use Past Successes to Build Confidence 

Use their past successes to build their confidence. Say, ‘Remember when you thought you could never ride your bike and now look at you!’ Remind them that learning is not a race and that every expert started as a beginner. You can say, ‘No one is born knowing everything. They learn by trying, making mistakes, and not giving up.’ 

Normalise Mistakes and Validate Their Feelings 

Normalise making mistakes by explaining how the brain works, each time they get something wrong and try again, their brain gets stronger. This turns setbacks into steps forward. Avoid brushing off their feelings. Instead, stay with them and say, ‘I understand how that feels. But feeling stuck does not mean you are not smart. It means you are in the middle of learning.’ This approach helps them feel seen, understood, and supported. 

Spiritual Perspective 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Ankaboot (29), Verse 69: 

“And those people that endeavour (to please) Us (Allah Almighty); so, We (Allah Almighty) shall indeed, guide them (to those pathways) that lead to Us…. “

This Ayah teaches us that effort is what Allah Almighty values. The journey, not the perfection, brings a person closer to guidance and success. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 5027, that holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

“The best among you are those who learn the Quran and teach it. “

This Hadith reminds us that in Islam, true excellence lies in seeking knowledge and then using it to help others, not in getting everything right straight away. 

Tell your child that Allah Almighty sees their effort, even when others do not. Let them know that trying, asking questions, and staying patient are acts of Imaan. When they feel unsure, remind them that every honest attempt is counted and honoured. They are always enough in the eyes of Allah Almighty when they try with sincerity. This truth, repeated with warmth and conviction, can ease their heart and rebuild their self-belief.