What can I do when my child views puberty as a punishment instead of a stage of growth? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child begins to see puberty as a punishment, it often means they feel confused by the rapid changes in their body, emotions, and the new expectations placed upon them. They might dislike the new rules, the physical discomfort, or the attention that comes with growing up. To them, it can seem unfair that life has suddenly become more complicated. A parent’s key role is to gently shift this perception, showing them that puberty is not a punishment, but a purposeful stage of growth designed by Allah Almighty with care and wisdom. 

Acknowledge Their Feelings with Empathy 

If your child says things like, ‘I hate growing up’, or ‘Why is this happening to me?’, avoid dismissing their feelings with phrases such as, ‘Everyone goes through it’. Instead, acknowledge their struggle: ‘I can see this feels difficult right now. Your body and mind are changing, and that can feel strange’. Naming the emotion helps to build trust. Once they feel understood, they will be more receptive to your reassurance. 

Reframe Growth as a Divine Gift 

Explain that this period of growth is not a curse but a sign of Allah Almighty’s mercy. You could say, ‘Allah is helping you become stronger, wiser, and more independent. He is preparing you for the beautiful things He wants you to experience later in life’. This perspective can transform their fear into curiosity and replace any feelings of shame with gratitude. 

Focus on Gaining Capability, Not Losing Comfort 

Children often feel that they are losing the comfort and simplicity of childhood. Help them see that they are gaining new abilities instead. For example, you might say, ‘You can now think in ways you could not before, understand deeper feelings, and make real decisions. These are gifts from Allah to help you live with purpose’. When change feels like empowerment, it no longer feels like a punishment. 

Explain the Purpose of New Duties 

As children begin to pray, fast, and follow other religious duties, they may see them as burdens. Reassure them by saying, ‘Allah gives us these practices to help us stay close to Him and to keep our hearts strong. They are not punishments; they are invitations to earn reward and peace’. Teach them that every act of worship brings calm and closeness, not control. 

Model a Calm Acceptance of Growth 

Children watch how you handle your own responsibilities and life changes. If you speak about adulthood with calmness, patience, and gratitude, they will see maturity as something positive. You could say things like, ‘Growing older brings challenges, but it also brings wisdom and joy’. When you model comfort with your own growth, you teach emotional balance. 

Normalise the Process of Change 

Share gentle reminders that growth and change are part of every creation’s journey, including trees, animals, and humans. Everything transforms according to Allah Almighty’s will. You could say, ‘Just as a seed becomes a tree, you are becoming who Allah planned for you to be. It takes time, but it is a beautiful process’. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, every stage of life has its own dignity. Childhood is a time of innocence, youth is a period of strength, and adulthood is marked by responsibility. Puberty is the bridge between them, the moment when a person begins to consciously recognise Allah Almighty’s guidance. It is not a punishment but an honour, showing that the Creator now trusts this young soul to carry His trust with awareness and grace. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Mulk (67), Verse 2: 

‘[He] who created death and life to test you [as to] which of you is best in deed…’ 

This verse teaches that every phase of life, including puberty, is part of a divine design for growth. Parents can explain it this way: ‘Allah Almighty gives us different stages so that we can keep learning and becoming better. He never tests us to cause harm, only to help us grow stronger’. This helps children see that change is not a curse, but a path toward excellence in faith and character. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 79, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, while there is good in both.’ 

This Hadith shows that Allah Almighty values strength, whether it is physical, emotional, or spiritual. You can tell your child, ‘Your growing body and mind are part of that strength. Allah is preparing you to do more good, to help others, and to live with courage’. 

When parents respond to their child’s confusion with compassion, wisdom, and faith, puberty stops feeling like a punishment and starts to feel like a journey of honour. The child learns that growth is not something happening to them but for them, a process written by a loving Creator who guides every heartbeat, every change, and every moment into making them a stronger, wiser believer.