We both love our child, but we disagree on what good parenting looks like. How can we create a shared foundation? 

Parenting Perspective 

Shifting the Conversation from Methods to Outcomes 

The issue is not love; it is the definition. The majority of parenting disputes are not the result of a lack of concern, but rather of divergent perspectives on the manifestation of affection. A parent may perceive effective parenting as a combination of trust and freedom. The other may see it as structure and discipline. These are not necessarily mutually exclusive; however, when they remain unsaid, they escalate into subdued conflicts. To establish a shared foundation, it is imperative to end the debate over methods and instead facilitate the discussion of outcomes. Ask each other: What type of adult do we wish our child to become? Do you want them to be confident? Responsible? Spiritually grounded? When you reach a consensus regarding the ultimate destination, it becomes simpler to negotiate the means of transportation. 

Finding Overlap and Presenting a United Front 

Create an environment that encourages candid dialogue without seeking to dominate. Walk through real-life scenarios, including as bedtime, school behaviour, and screen time, together. In those instances, what do you each hope your child will acquire? Search for areas of overlap. You both may desire respect; however, one of you is demonstrating it through empathy, while the other is demonstrating it through firmness. The objective is not to eradicate your differences, but rather to consolidate them under a unified, shared vision that your child can rely on. Then, incorporate that unity into your message. Even when you disagree privately, use united language publicly: We both feel this is important… or Your dad and I talked about it, and here is what we have decided… This consistency establishes a sense of security. It demonstrates to your child that love is not chaotic; rather, it is characterised by structure, agreement, and purpose. 

Spiritual Insight 

Even the most noble intentions necessitate collective guidance. Parenting is not solely about emotion; it is also about stewardship and clarity. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al An’aam (6), Verse 162: 

“ (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ): Indeed, my prayers, and all my sacrifices, and my finite existence, and my material expiration, is for (only) (pleasing) Allah Almighty, Who is the Sustainer of the trans-universal existence.” 

This verse emphasises the necessity of a unified purpose for the benefit of Allah Almighty in all life decisions, including parenthood. The minor choices are aligned into a larger act of Ibadah when that purpose is agreed upon. It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 1733, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

“Work in collaboration and do not be divided. “

The art of parenting cannot be achieved by a single individual who executes it exclusively. It is refined through shared responsibility and mutual sincerity. A child who is raised by two individuals who are both striving to achieve the same spiritual objective, despite the fact that they are taking distinct paths, will walk more upright than one who is being pulled between silent tensions. Unity is not synonymous with identicality. It is shared direction, and that is what children follow most.