We are both emotionally exhausted and just go through routines. How can we reintroduce softness into our marriage for the sake of our child’s environment? 

Parenting Perspective 

The Impact of Emotional Exhaustion 

The initial consequence of emotional exhaustion in a marriage is frequently the loss of tenderness. Not love, not commitment, but the quiet gestures, warm tone, and delicate attention that make a home feel emotionally alive. When two parents are stretched thin, the relationship frequently falls into functional mode: duties are accomplished, obligations are shared, but the emotional atmosphere becomes dry and distant. Children may not be able to express it, but they feel the emotional drought, which might alter their perception of adult relationships. 

A Strategy for Reintroducing Softness 

Reintroducing softness does not necessitate major efforts. It starts with acknowledging that emotional weariness exists, but it is not permanent. Even one moment of focused compassion can break the cycle of numbing. A simple thank you, a warm smile during a shared meal, or discreetly reaching for your spouse’s hand are not spectacular gestures, but they are emotionally healing. They demonstrate to your child that love is not only there, but also capable of tenderness, especially during difficult seasons. It is also critical to identify the weariness without assigning blame. Sometimes I say aloud, “I miss how we used to laugh.” I know we are both exhausted, but I want us to find tenderness again for ourselves and our child. This can be a reset in itself. It serves as a reminder to both parties that emotional care is a responsibility that must be gradually reclaimed rather than a luxury to be enjoyed. Children raised in homes where love is viewed as a burden may develop the belief that all relationships must be endured rather than cultivated. However, when they see even tiny efforts to rekindle warmth, particularly during difficult seasons, they internalise the idea that love can bend without breaking and that emotional healing is a normal part of life. 

Spiritual Insight 

Emotional softness is more than just a marital advantage; it is an aspect of prophetic character. Mercy between spouses is regarded as a divine sign in Islam, particularly when extended during times of distress. The absence of ease does not relieve the duty of tenderness. In reality, that is when it counts the most. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Rome (30), Verse 21: 

‘And amongst His Signs (of the infinite truth) are that He (Allah Almighty) created for you, your (matrimonial) partners from your species so that you may find tranquillity from them; and designed between you loving tolerance and kindness…’ 

This verse tells us that affection (mawaddah) and mercy (rahmah) are not spontaneous impulses, but rather sacred trusts established by Allah Almighty inside the bonds of marriage. Even when emotions are drained, these gifts can be renewed. It is also recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 1468, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ advised: 

‘A believing man should not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another. ‘

This encourages us to look for virtue even in tough situations, and to maintain connection through mutual dignity and compassion. Reintroducing tenderness in the home, especially when emotionally exhausted, is more than just a courtesy to your partner. It is a mercy for your child, who is silently learning what love looks like when life is difficult, and how dignity and caring may still exist despite exhaustion.