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Our child sees me doing all the domestic work and my spouse doing all the earning. How can we model more balanced roles without disrupting what works? 

Parenting Perspective 

The Unintended Lesson of Divided Roles 

When children observe one parent handling the house and the other handling the money on a regular basis, they may unintentionally internalise limiting views about gender roles, especially if those patterns are never acknowledged or nuanced. While work allocation is realistic and mutually agreed upon, the child’s view of those responsibilities is influenced by what he or she sees and hears. 

How to Reframe the Structure 

The solution does not necessarily involve altering the structure; rather, it involves altering the way in which that structure is perceived. Children must realise that both parents make sacrifices for the family, and that neither domestic nor financial labour is related to worth, power, or gender. Begin by displaying both contributions. Instead of presuming your child understands, say something like, Baba works long hours to provide us with this comfort, and I keep the house running smoothly. If your partner can occasionally participate in visible household chores such as helping with supper, folding laundry, or reading bedtime stories, it broadens the child’s understanding of collaborative effort. Allow your child to see both parents engaged in emotional labour. Discuss beliefs, make decisions together, and express warmth and mutual respect. Titles teach children less than tone and teamwork. You are not undermining what works. You are purposefully improving it so that your child understands that dignity, service, and contribution are characterised by honesty and cooperation rather than gender or domain. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam values both earning and serving, and never pits them against each other. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verse 97: 

Whoever undertakes virtuous actions – whether a male or female – and is of Muslim faith; We (Allah Almighty) shall surely sustain him with a life of purity. 

The verse affirms that spiritual value is defined by righteousness rather than role. What matters is the sincerity of the act and the benefit it provides to others. It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 676, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ once responded to a question about what he did at home by saying: 

He would busy himself with serving his family. 

This Hadith defies the notion that leadership excludes service. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ considered domestic chores as part of constructing a righteous and loving home, rather than something beneath him. When both parents model mutual service and gratitude, they instill in their child a strong awareness that balance is more than just doing the same thing; it is about honouring every role with fairness and compassion. 

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