Our child once tried to imitate ‘being married’ by pretending to be bossy and annoyed. How do we shift the example we are setting? 

Parenting Perspective 

A Mirror to Your Marriage 

The fact that your child caught up on those signs indicates that they are paying close attention, not to your words, but to the emotional texture of your marriage. Children learn about marriage long before they understand the word itself. When they play it back as irritation or control, it is not an indication that they are being cheeky. This is a mirror. 

Shifting the Emotional Tone 

You do not need to sit them down or force artificial affection to ‘fix’ the image. What they observe on a regular basis influences them. Consider this: when we disagree, what tone does the room take? Do we joke or laugh in each other’s company? Does our child ever hear us thanking each other, apologising, or speaking nicely, even when we are tired? These are the moments that change their perception of what marriage can be. Even little changes, such as changing an order to a polite request or smiling quietly after a long day, have an influence. Not because your child is observing every moment, but because they are experiencing every emotion. You do not have to be perfect. You just need to be more mindful of what they are learning from how you treat one another. 

Spiritual Insight 

Children are not passive bystanders in the house; they are emotional receivers. What children learn influences how they love, lead, and communicate later in life. And Islam never views marriage as a battlefield. It refers to it as a location of rahmah – mercy. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Rome (30), Verse 21: 

‘And amongst His Signs (of the infinite truth) are that He (Allah Almighty) created for you, your (matrimonial) partners from your species so that you may find tranquillity from them; and designed between you loving tolerance and kindness…’ 

This is more than just a feeling in your heart. It is about the emotion in your voice, your expression, and your minor daily decisions. And it should be visible enough for a child to notice. It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 1977, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The best of you are those who are best to their families (women), and I am the best among you to my family (women). ‘

He did not demonstrate power, control, or coldness. He exemplified tenderness, impartiality, and genuine regard both publicly and privately. And that example did not only influence his companions. It raised a whole generation. So, the next time your child plays marriage, expose them to something more wonderful – a tone of tranquilly, an act of apology, or a moment of shared harmony. These are the lessons that remain.