My spouse says they do not know how to bond with young children. How do I help them get involved without forcing it? 

Parenting Perspective 

Understanding the Reluctance 

In the early years, when connection is more dependent on emotional presence than on discourse, it is not uncommon for one parent to feel uncertain about bonding. Sometimes the reluctance stems from fear rather than love – worry of doing things poorly, fear of not being interesting or just not knowing where to start. 

Creating Low-Pressure Opportunities 

Begin by reducing the pressure. Do not view bonding as a chore or a performance. Instead, frame it as a shared experience: He really loves when someone joins him for puzzles, would you like to sit with him for five minutes? The idea is to make the interaction feel casual and nonjudgmental. Avoid overdirecting or correcting your spouse’s interactions. Let them create their own language with the child, even if it differs from yours. A tickling game, a peaceful side-by-side vehicle trip, or simply observing the child’s play and commenting are all acceptable kinds of interaction. The goal is not perfection, but rather frequency and consistency. Also, gently explain to your partner that bonding is not about entertaining, but about being there. You might say, He does not need you to say the right thing, he just needs to know you are near. If your partner feels comfortable trying without fear of being judged, they are much more likely to continue committed. 

Spiritual Insight 

Connection is an essential component of parenting; it is a component of Rahmah (mercy), which is one of the defining qualities of the way the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ treated children. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Tawbah (9), Verse 128: 

“Without any doubt, there has come to you (O mankind), the Prophet (Muhammad ﷺ) from amongst yourself; (the thought) of your suffering weighs heavily upon him, he is extremely desirous (for the best) for you; and remains most compassionate and most merciful for the believers. “

This verse demonstrates that caring commences with concern, which involves being present and impacted by the child’s emotional state. It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2318, that a man saw the Prophet ﷺ kissing his grandson Hasan and remarked, ‘I have ten children, but I have never kissed any one of them’. Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said: 

“He who does not show mercy (towards his children), no mercy would be shown to him. “

Bonding with children is more than just a parenting technique; it demonstrates faith, compassion, and prophetic example. Even little acts of charity foster trust that lasts well into childhood. When both parents engage, even if it is awkward or flawed, the child feels surrounded by love rather than being pushed between it.