My spouse is not one to apologise, even when they are clearly in the wrong. How do I protect our child from thinking that growth is optional? 

Parenting Perspective 

The Unspoken Lesson of Unaccountability 

When one parent refuses to admit fault, it can subtly mould a child’s sense of accountability. Children learn more from what they see than from what they hear. If children see mistakes dismissed, blame moved, or emotional responsibility evaded, they may come to connect strength with stubbornness rather than self-awareness. 

A Strategy of Modelling and Invitation 

But here is what you can do: be the opposite. Let your child see you apologise when needed, even for small things, “I was short with you earlier, I am sorry,” or “I misunderstood and that was unfair.” These activities are more than just emotional maintenance. They are subtle reminders that growth is not only possible, but expected. 

Simultaneously, you can gently model curiosity and self-reflection with your partner around your child without causing conflict. For example, “I am thinking about how we handled that moment earlier do you feel good about it?” or “I want us both to grow from this, even if we saw it differently.” Whether or not your spouse engages, you are exhibiting emotional maturity. Over time, your child will understand that true strength comes from being willing to heal, reflect, and adapt, rather than never making a mistake. That is the legacy you hope to leave them. 

Spiritual Insight 

In the Islamic tradition, humility is not a sign of weakness. It is a symbol of sincerity and spiritual power. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hashar (59), Verse 9: 

‘… And whoever is salvaged from (the inherent state of) being miserly for himself, then they are the victorious.’ 

This verse tells us that true achievement requires us to overcome our ego, which is often what hinders people from recognising their mistakes. It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2588, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Charity does not decrease wealth, and Allah increases the honour of one who forgives, and no one humbles himself for the sake of Allah but that Allah raises him in status. ‘

So, when your child watches one parent refuse humility while the other continually models grace, introspection, and self-growth, they learn that dignity is not found in domination, but in the willingness to grow. You are not merely parenting at the moment. You are sowing the seeds of a righteous and balanced soul.