My spouse and I handle stress very differently, one shuts down, the other panics. Our child watches both. How do we model steadiness when we feel nothing but overwhelm? 

Parenting Perspective 

The Child’s Dilemma 

Even when emotions are at their highest, children do not anticipate absolute calm; however, they do desire clarity and stability. If one parent remains mute while the other panics, the child may internalise either response as their only emotional tool: shutdown or chaos. What they lack is regulation, the ability to experience strong emotions without being overtaken by them. That is what you should emulate, even if you are still learning it. 

A Strategy for Modelling Regulation 

Begin by narrating what is happening without drama or embarrassment. For instance: “Mum is feeling overwhelmed right now, so she is going to take a few breaths before speaking.” Or, “Dad is quiet because he is thinking not because anyone is in trouble.” These brief, grounded comments provide your child with a sense of stability. Make it a habit in your home to acknowledge emotions early, take short breaks (a walk, a glass of water, some fresh air), then circle back to each other with calm. You are not pretending to be stable; you are practising it together. That process, despite its ugliness, becomes an example of resilience. It teaches your child that strong emotions are a natural part of life, but they are not the driving force. 

Spiritual Insight 

The noble Quran recognises the severity of emotional storms. Even prophets experienced profound sadness and distress. However, the beauty resides in how they transformed their inner turmoil into a relationship with Allah Almighty, rather than turning away from those around them. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Yusuf (12), Verse 86: 

‘(Prophet Yaqoob (AS)) replied: I am only complaining to Allah (Almighty) of my anguish and heartache; and I have been made aware from Allah (Almighty) of matters that you do not know.’ 

This was Prophet Yaqub’s (AS) voice, not concealing feeling, nor panicking, but redirecting grief with trust. It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 1302, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Verily, patience is at the first strike of calamity. ‘

In parenting, stability is defined as the presence of a conscious response rather than the absence of emotion. Even if one parent is more reactive and the other is more withdrawn, the joint goal is to help your child understand that tough emotions are not risky, but rather routes to growth when held with faith and maturity.