I am naturally reserved, while my spouse is more expressive. How do we model warmth for our child without faking a style that feels unnatural? 

Parenting Perspective 

Authenticity Over Performance 

Warmth does not have to appear a certain way. Children gain from emotional authenticity, not emotional acting. If one parent is outspoken and passionate while the other is more reserved or quiet, it is important to ensure that both parent’s love is obvious in authentic ways. Modelling warmth does not imply emulating your spouse’s style. It entails making your caring known, whether through eye contact, soothing tones, supporting gestures, or persistent presence. 

Different Styles, Same Message 

A quiet parent can express great love without using many words or big gestures, as long as the child sees and feels the affection. For example, saying “I am proud of you” with sincerity, even gently, has a lasting impression. Gently placing a hand on their shoulder, being present when they need it, and continuously showing up at critical times all transmit a strong sense of warmth. When speaking to or about your partner, tone is important. A calm, respectful, and appreciative way of referring to your partner teaches children that love can be subtle yet consistent. It is also beneficial to talk about this dynamic with your partner privately. Let them know you are not unwilling to express affection; simply that your expression may differ. When both parents understand each other’s parenting approaches, they may better encourage balance without feeling pressured or resentful. Finally, what your child needs is not imitation. They require a family in which love is continuously demonstrated, whether through words, presence, physical affection, or care. What they recall is not how loud the love was, but how safe they felt. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam values Niyyah (intention) and sincerity over outward performance. There is no one “correct” personality for a parent, but there is one set of values we all aim for: kindness, mercy, and emotional responsibility. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verses 13: 

‘…Indeed, the best of you in the judgement of Allah (Almighty) is the one who is most virtuous; indeed, Allah (Almighty) is the Omniscient, the all Cognisant.’ 

This verse tells us that Allah Almighty appreciates inner honesty over public presentation. The same goes for parenting. A calm heart filled with compassion is just as vital as expressive warmth. It is also recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2594, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said, 

‘Kindness is not found in anything except that it beautifies it. ‘

Whether restrained or vocal, every parent is asked to include compassion into their way of life. The appearance may change, but the essence remains the same. By demonstrating to your child that love can be both silent and dependable, soft-spoken and sincere, you are not only displaying warmth, but also providing a more comprehensive understanding of the varied and nurturing forms of affection.