How to Stay Composed When Your Child Ignores You 

Parenting Perspective 

Separate Your Self-Worth from Their Behaviour 

It is very painful when a parent’s calm teaching is met with what feels like mockery or disregard. The instinct to lash out often comes from a sense of being dismissed, but reacting in anger usually shifts the focus away from your message and onto the conflict itself. The key is to separate your self-worth from your child’s behaviour and to remind yourself that children’s actions, though disrespectful in tone, are often driven by immaturity rather than true rejection of you. 

Prepare a Set Response 

One way to stay composed is to prepare a set response for those moments. Instead of engaging in the heat of the reaction, you might calmly say, ‘I can see you are not ready to listen right now, so I will step back and speak with you when you are.’ This allows you to withdraw your energy without escalating, while also signaling that respect is a condition for dialogue. By repeating this consistently, your child learns that dismissiveness does not lead to a power struggle but to a temporary pause until respectful interaction is possible. 

Understand the Difference Between Firmness and Force 

It also helps to notice the difference between firmness and force. Firmness is steady, measured, and consistent, while force is driven by heightened emotions. You are not being ‘walked over’ by staying composed; you are modelling the type of self-control you hope your child will learn. If you can hold boundaries calmly, you teach through example, showing that respect is a two-way practice. 

Children Test Boundaries to Find Them 

Finally, remember that children test boundaries not to destroy them but to find where they stand. By staying composed, you are not giving in but rather showing that you do not need to raise your voice or lose control to hold authority. This balance preserves both your dignity and your child’s trust. 

Spiritual Insight 

Strength Lies in Restraining Anger 

Our faith guides us to meet moments of provocation with patience and restraint.  

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 134: 

‘Those (the believers are the ones) that spend (in the way of Allah Almighty) in times of abundance and hardship; they suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent.’  

This verse reminds us that strength lies in restraining anger, even when one feels disrespected. By holding back, a parent does not lose authority but rather gains Allah’s love and blessing in their role. 

True Authority Comes From Self-Control 

It is recorded in Sahih Al Bukhari, Book 23, Hadith 141, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong man is not the one who overcomes others by his strength, but the strong man is the one who controls himself while in anger.’  

For a parent, this means true authority comes not from overpowering a child with frustration but from showing composure in the face of provocation. 

By grounding yourself in this teaching, you can see your calmness as strength, not weakness. This shift allows you to guide firmly while preserving respect, creating a home where discipline is rooted in wisdom rather than anger.