How to Respond to a Child Who Acts Out When Mentioning Change 

Parenting Perspective 

See the Fear Behind the Behaviour 

When a young child reacts to change by acting out, it is rarely because he is trying to be defiant. More often, misbehaviour becomes his language for expressing worry and helplessness. For a child, change can feel like losing control, and the thought that ‘if I behave badly, maybe the change will go away’ can become a coping attempt. As a parent, your role is to see the fear behind the behaviour and respond to that, not just the surface actions. 

Separate the Emotion From the Behaviour 

Begin by separating the emotion from the behaviour. You can let him know that his feelings are safe with you: ‘I can see you are upset about things changing, and that is okay.’ Then, set a boundary on the behaviour without shaming him: ‘It is alright to feel scared, but it is not alright to throw things.’ This teaches that emotions are valid, but hurting himself or others is not. 

Ground Them in Predictable Routines 

Give him small, predictable routines so he feels grounded. For example, tell him: ‘Even if school changes, bedtime stories with me will stay the same.’ This anchors him in stability. You can also offer choices where possible, like letting him decide which toy to bring on a move or which Dua to recite together at night. Small choices give a child agency and ease the need to act out. 

Prepare Them for Change in Steps 

It also helps to prepare him for change in steps rather than all at once. Rehearse transitions with role play or stories so he learns that change does not mean abandonment, but that he will still be loved and supported. Your calm, steady presence is the strongest reassurance he will carry through the process. 

Spiritual Insight 

Patience and Returning to Allah Steadies Us 

Fear of change is not only a childhood experience; it is part of the human condition. The Quran acknowledges that we will face shifts and trials, but it also directs us towards patience and trust. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verses 155–156: 

‘And indeed, very soon We (Allah Almighty) will test you with something: with fear; and hunger; and impoverishment of wealth and life and fruits of life; and give good news to those who are resilient Those are the people when they come across any tribulation; they say “Indeed, we (came) from Allah (Almighty) and indeed, we will return to Him”.‘  

This verse helps us remember that fear is a natural response, but what steadies us is patience and returning to Allah. You can share a simplified version with your child, such as, ‘Allah knows when we are scared, and He tells us that being patient brings His reward.’ 

Patience Is a Gift from Allah 

It is recorded in Riyadh as-Salihin, Hadith 26, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever is patient, Allah will grant him patience, and no one is given a gift better and more comprehensive than patience.’  

This hadith highlights that patience is not just expected; it is a gift that Allah helps us develop. For your child, you can frame this as, ‘When we feel afraid of change, we can ask Allah to help us be patient, and He will give us strength.’ 

By responding to your son with calm reassurance, validating his fear, and guiding him gently towards patience, you both model and live the spiritual truth that change is not something to fear but something to face with trust in Allah. This way, discipline turns into guidance, and his heart feels both safe with you and connected to Allah.