How to Repair When You Freeze at Your Child’s Big Feelings 

Parenting Perspective 

Recognising that your responses may have felt dismissive to your child, even unintentionally, is already a powerful first step. This awareness shows that you care deeply about emotional safety and are ready to rebuild connection with intention. 

When a parent freezes, it is often because the emotion in front of them feels overwhelming, unfamiliar, or frightening. It can trigger discomfort, especially if big feelings were not handled openly in your own upbringing. In moments like these, it helps to pause and ground yourself in a simple response: ‘Thank you for telling me. I am here.’ This holds space without needing to fix or explain. 

Small Acts of Emotional Presence 

Repair begins with small, consistent acts of emotional presence. When your child shares something vulnerable, even if they are angry or upset, focus on staying calm and connected. Eye contact, an open posture, and steady breathing all signal safety. 

Later, if you realise you shut down or reacted harshly, revisit the moment. Say something like, ‘Earlier, I did not respond the way I wanted to. I want you to know your feelings matter to me.’ This builds trust not by perfection, but through humility and effort. 

Invite Their Feedback 

You can also invite your child’s feedback gently: ‘When I get quiet, does it feel like I am ignoring you?’ This helps you learn their experience of your responses, rather than assuming it. 

Finally, work on expanding your own emotional vocabulary. The more familiar you are with naming feelings, even in yourself, the easier it becomes to respond to your child’s emotions with empathy rather than fear. Your child does not need a parent who never gets it wrong. They need a parent who keeps coming back with sincerity and softness. That is what builds real trust. 

Spiritual Insight 

Parenting with emotional depth is part of nurturing the Amanah (trust) Allah has placed in your care. It is not only about the physical provision of safety, but the emotional one too. 

A Reminder of the Sacred Trust 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Ahzaab (33), verse 72: 

‘Indeed, We (Allah Almighty) presented (other species) within the layers of trans-universal existence and the Earth and the mountains to be entrusted (with discretion in their actions); so, they refused to bear (the weight of that discretion….but mankind chose to bear (the burden of such discretion); indeed, (as it turned out some of mankind) became unjust and ignorant (in making those choices).’ 

This sacred Trust includes the moral responsibility of care, which extends to how you hold space for your child’s heart. 

The Prophetic Model: You Are a Shepherd 

It is recorded in Mishkat al-Masabih that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Indeed, each of you is a shepherd, and each of you is responsible for his flock. ‘

[Mishkat al Masabih, 18:25] 

To be a shepherd is not only to guide, but to protect, especially when the emotional terrain is difficult. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ modelled this deeply. He would kneel to children’s level, listen attentively, and never mock or belittle. 

Even if you have made mistakes, it is never too late to begin again with intention, Ihsaan, and gentleness. Your effort to repair is part of that sacred responsibility, and it is seen by the One who knows what lies in every heart.