How to Balance the Needs of a Clingy and a Quiet Child 

Parenting Perspective 

Both Needs Are Valid, Just Expressed Differently 

It is very common for younger children to be physically clingy and expressive about their need for closeness, while older children may not verbalise their longing but still feel it strongly. The difficulty is that the louder need can overshadow the quieter one, leaving the older child feeling overlooked. 

Connection Looks Different for Each Child 

The first step is to recognise that both children’s needs are valid but expressed differently. With the younger one, closeness may come through touch, sitting together, or being involved in your daily tasks. With the older one, connection may look like private conversation, shared activities, or simply knowing that they have undivided attention at times. 

Create Predictable One-on-One Moments 

You can begin by setting aside small but predictable moments for each child. For your older one, even ten minutes daily of one-to-one time can reassure them deeply. Tell your younger child clearly, ‘I will sit with you after I have had a chat with your sibling.’ This teaches the younger that your love is not lost when attention is shared, and it signals to the older that their time with you is intentional and protected. 

Invite Both Into Moments of Togetherness 

Another gentle strategy is to invite both children into moments of togetherness while still carving out individual connection. For example, reading a story with the younger while letting the older choose the book, or involving the older child in an activity while the younger watches. This reduces the sense of competition while still affirming each one’s presence. 

Consistency Is Key 

Consistency is key. When children know that their time with you may look different but is dependable, the feelings of rejection ease. By affirming aloud, ‘I love you both, and I spend time with you in different ways,’ you help them see that attention is not a sign of preference but a reflection of their unique needs. 

Spiritual Insight 

Every Human Being Carries Honour and Dignity 

Islam guides us to treat children with fairness and mercy, recognising their individuality. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al-Israa (17), Verse 70: 

‘Indeed, We (Allah Almighty) have honoured the descendants of Adam; and fostered them over the land and the sea; and provided sustenance for them with purified nourishment; and We gave them preferential treatment over many of those (species) We have created with special privileges.’  

This Verse highlights that every human being carries honour and dignity, regardless of their temperament or stage of life. Applied to parenting, it means that both the clingy younger child and the quietly waiting older child deserve to feel that their needs are noticed and respected. 

Fear Allah and Be Just With Your Children 

It is recorded in Sahih Al Bukhari, Hadith 2587, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just with your children.’  

This Hadith reminds us that justice is not sameness but ensuring that no child feels deprived of love. Giving your younger child closeness and your older child private time are both expressions of fairness, because each is receiving what is most nourishing for them. 

By balancing attention with intentional fairness, you teach your children that love is abundant, not limited, and that Allah values the dignity of every child. In this way, neither feels rejected, and both learn that differences in expression are part of the mercy Allah has placed within families.