How to Answer ‘Why Us?’ Without Dismissing Their Feelings 

Parenting Perspective 

Acknowledge the Feeling First 

Children ask ‘Why us?’ when they feel small in front of something big. Your task is to make the big feel holdable. Begin by acknowledging the feeling before offering perspective. You might say, ‘It feels unfair right now. I hear you. Let us face it together.’ This tells your child that emotion is allowed and that you are a steady guide. 

Use ‘Both-And’ Language 

Use ‘both-and’ language to keep gratitude from sounding like a shutdown. ‘You can feel sad about this change and we can still look for what is good.’ Invite them to name one difficult thing and one helpful thing today. Keep it specific to avoid empty positivity. 

Swap Uncontrollable Promises for Controllable Commitments 

Share honestly without overexplaining. Swap promises you cannot control for commitments you can keep: ‘I cannot promise nothing will change at school, but I can promise I will walk with you through the first week, ask your teacher for updates, and plan a fun check-in after school.’ 

Anchor Them With Predictable Routines 

Anchor them with predictable routines. Hold mealtimes, bedtime reading, and Salah times steady. Small islands of sameness reduce the sense that life is drifting. Give choices where possible, such as which book to pack or which dua to learn this week, so they feel some agency. 

Build a Simple Gratitude Habit 

Build a simple gratitude habit that respects their feelings. After Maghrib, invite a ‘two-and-two’: two things that were hard, two thanks to Allah. Keep it brief, optional to share aloud, and model it yourself. If they will not participate, let them listen and feel your calm. 

Name What You Can and Cannot Control 

Finally, help them name what they can and cannot control. A paper with two columns can turn worry into action. On the ‘can’ side go steps like messaging a friend, preparing for a new bus route, or making a dua. On the ‘cannot’ side go outcomes you will leave to Allah. This keeps trust practical, not theoretical. 

Spiritual Insight 

Meet Change With Effort, Patience, and Gratitude 

When hearts feel the weight of ‘Why us?’, it helps to place our feelings inside Allah’s promise and care. Islamically, we are taught to meet change with effort, patience, and gratitude, trusting that Allah does not leave us alone in it. 

Allah Does Not Burden a Soul Beyond Its Capacity 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 286: 

‘Allah (Almighty) does not place any burden on any human being except that which is within his capacity...’ 

This reassures a child that Allah knows their size and their strength. You can say, ‘Allah sees this is hard, and He knows you can carry it with help. Our family will be part of that help.’ 

Turn Gratitude Into Service 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Book 16, Hadith 2, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Look to those who are lower than you and do not look to those who are above you, for it is more suitable that you do not belittle the favours of Allah upon you.’  

Apply this gently by modelling comparisons that heal, not shame. For example, ‘Alhamdulillah we still have each other and a home. Let us make dua for families who have lost more.’ Then act on it with a small Sadaqah or a kind message, so gratitude becomes service. 

By validating their pain, keeping routines steady, and tying daily actions to trust and thankfulness, you show that gratitude does not erase feelings; it guides them. Over time, ‘Why us?’ can soften into ‘With Allah’s help, we will manage this,’ which is the confidence you want to plant in their hearts.