How should parents respond if a child says, ‘You do not understand, you use your phone just like I do’? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child challenges a parent’s authority by pointing out their own phone use, it is often a reflection of their frustration with perceived double standards. Instead of reacting defensively, parents can use this as a valuable opportunity to model humility, strengthen their relationship, and have an honest conversation about digital habits for the whole family. 

Listen Before Defending 

When your child makes this kind of statement, their accusation often reflects a genuine feeling of frustration. It is important to pause and listen rather than immediately defending yourself. Responding with a calm phrase like, ‘That is an interesting point, can you tell me what you mean by that?’ opens the door for dialogue instead of conflict. 

Acknowledge Your Shared Struggles 

Parents can build trust by admitting that managing phone use in the modern world is difficult for everyone, including adults. Saying, ‘You are right, I sometimes struggle to put my own phone down too,’ is a powerful way to model humility and honesty. This reduces tension and teaches your child that discipline is a skill that everyone has to build, not something that is automatically mastered with age. 

Reframe the Conversation 

The key is to shift the focus from a direct comparison to a discussion about different roles and responsibilities. You can explain: ‘Yes, I do use my phone, but my responsibilities as an adult are different from yours. Just as you have rules for school and I have commitments for work, we each need to find a balance that fits our own life.’ This turns a debate about hypocrisy into a shared journey of managing technology. 

Model Change and Consistency 

If your children see you making a sincere and visible effort to set healthier digital habits for yourself, they are far more likely to respect the boundaries you place on them. Leading by example, such as by putting your own phone away at mealtimes, shows them that the rules are not just being imposed, but are being lived. This strengthens your credibility and their trust in your guidance. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that sincerity is the cornerstone of all guidance. By responding to a child’s challenge with humility and a genuine commitment to personal improvement, parents can turn a difficult moment into an opportunity to strengthen the family’s moral foundation. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Saff (61), Verses 2–3: 

‘ O you who are believers, why do you say (to others) that) which you do not do (yourself)? It is highly detested by Allah (Almighty) that you say (to others) that which you do not do (yourself).‘ 

This verse is a powerful reminder for parents that their credibility in guiding their children comes from aligning their own words and actions. Children learn far more from the example they see than from the words they are told. 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 278, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The best of you are those who are best to their families.’ 

This teaching shows that the best example a parent can set is not one of perfection, but one of sincerity, fairness, and kindness within their own home. 

Instead of losing respect by being challenged, you can actually gain it by showing your children that the effort to find balance with technology is a shared one, guided by honesty and a mutual desire to please Allah.