How do I use family meetings to agree on fair encouragement rules? 

Parenting Perspective 

Family meetings can be a powerful tool for establishing fair and respected rules for encouragement and rewards. The success of this approach depends on creating a safe, structured, and inclusive environment. 

Create a Safe and Respectful Space 

The foundation of a productive family meeting is an atmosphere where each child feels heard without fear of judgement. Maintain a calm and organised tone, ensuring everyone has a turn to speak so that even younger children feel included. This process builds family trust and models the art of respectful communication. 

Involve Everyone in Decision-Making 

When children contribute to the rules, they are far more likely to respect and follow them. Ask for their ideas on how encouragement should be given or what they consider fair when it comes to praise and rewards. While parents should guide the discussion to ensure it remains balanced, allowing children to voice their opinions helps prevent feelings of favouritism and reinforces their sense of belonging. 

Keep Rules Simple and Consistent 

Agree on a few clear and simple principles, such as rewarding effort, valuing kindness, and recognising teamwork. Children thrive on predictability, so avoid making the system overly complicated. Once the rules have been agreed upon, write them down and display them. Revisit them occasionally in future meetings to ensure they are still working for everyone. This consistency helps children see fairness as a living value within the family. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Islamic principle of consultation, or Shura, provides a beautiful model for building fairness and unity within the family. Family meetings are a practical application of this spiritual value. 

Shura as a Model for the Family 

Holding meetings to discuss rules teaches children that justice and cooperation are rooted in collective decision-making, reflecting a core tenet of the faith. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verses 38: 

‘And those people that respond to (the commandments of) their Sustainer, and establish prayer, and conduct their affairs between each other through consultation, and spend (generously) from the sustenance We have provided them.’ 

This verse highlights that consultation is a noble characteristic of believers, demonstrating that shared voices and collective agreement strengthen family and community bonds. 

Teaching Fairness as a Core Family Value 

Kindness, respect, and justice are not merely public virtues; they must begin at home. 

It is recorded in Mishkat Al Masabih, Hadith 3252-3253, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The best of you are those who are best to their families, and I am the best of you to my family.’ 

This Hadith emphasises that exemplary character is shown most importantly in our treatment of our own families. Involving children in setting the rules for encouragement is a way of putting this love and justice into action. By using family meetings with a calm structure and mutual input, you model the spirit of consultation and nurture fairness, helping your children internalise justice and compassion as guiding principles in their lives.