How do I use choices and responsibility as encouragement instead of treats? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children often respond more positively to being given responsibility than to receiving treats. Using choices and trust as a form of encouragement builds a child’s character and internal motivation in a way that material rewards cannot. 

Empower Through Choices 

Offering children simple choices, such as, ‘Would you like to set the table or help pour the water?’ allows them to feel capable and trusted. This sense of agency becomes its own reward. When children see that their good behaviour earns them more opportunities to make decisions, they begin to link positive actions with greater independence, rather than with material gain. This also serves as a gentle way to teach them problem-solving skills in a safe environment. 

Responsibility as a Sign of Trust 

Assigning age-appropriate responsibility is a powerful way to show children that their efforts are recognised and valued. For instance, after they have completed their homework consistently for a week, you might say, ‘Because you have shown such responsibility with your studies, I am putting you in charge of choosing our family activity this evening.’ This approach uses responsibility itself as a form of encouragement, teaching them that maturity and reliability bring positive privileges. It effectively replaces the short-lived excitement of a treat with lasting motivation built on trust and respect. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, every responsibility is considered a sacred trust (amanah). Giving children small responsibilities helps them grow into adults who understand, respect, and uphold this trust. 

Trust as a Form of Honour 

By rewarding good behaviour with greater trust and more choices, parents align with this core Islamic principle, showing their children that real honour comes from being relied upon, not from being given material things. 

The Quranic Reminder of Amanah 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Ahzaab (33), Verse 72: 

‘Indeed, We (Allah Almighty) presented (other species) within the layers of trans-universal existence and the Earth and the mountains to be entrusted (with discretion in their actions); so, they refused to bear (the weight of that discretion); and feared (the consequences) from (making the wrong choices); but mankind chose to bear (the burden of such discretion); indeed, (as it turned out some of mankind) became unjust and ignorant (in making those choices).‘ 

This powerful verse highlights the immense weight of responsibility as a trust from Allah. By giving children small responsibilities that are linked to their good behaviour, parents help nurture the skills and the seriousness required to handle amanah with care throughout their lives. 

The Prophetic Teaching on Responsibility 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 1829a, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Every one of you is a shepherd, and every one of you will be asked about his flock.’ 

This hadith shows that a sense of responsibility is a core part of faith and a fundamental aspect of life. By making choices and responsibilities as the reward for good behaviour, parents help their children develop accountability, humility, and a sense of purpose, which are far more enduring rewards than any temporary treatment.