How do I teach siblings to ask before using nicknames? 

Parenting Perspective 

Nicknames can be a playful and bonding part of family life, but they can also sting if they are used without permission. One child might think that they are being funny, while the other feels mocked, belittled, or disrespected. Parents can often find themselves caught in the middle, wondering whether they should stop nicknames altogether or allow them at the risk of teasing. The healthier approach is to teach siblings that names carry dignity and that consent matters. This way, nicknames can become a source of affection rather than a weapon of ridicule. 

Explain the Value and Dignity of Names 

You can begin by highlighting that a person’s name is not just a label, but is an important part of their identity. You could tell your children, “Your name is a gift from Allah and it deserves to be treated with respect. Using nicknames without asking first can make someone feel small, even if you did not mean to hurt them.” 

Create a Simple ‘Ask First’ Rule 

You can make it a clear family standard that before using a nickname for someone, a sibling must first ask for permission. For example, “Is it okay with you if I call you this?” This small step turns a potential put-down into an opportunity for connection. If the sibling says no, then their answer must be respected. This teaches both respect for boundaries and the importance of listening to another person’s feelings. 

Teach Phrases That Build Consent 

You can give your children clear scripts that help to build the habit of asking for consent into their play. 

• ‘Can I call you that, or would you rather I did not?’ 

• ‘Does this nickname make you feel happy, or should I stop using it?’ 

• ‘I want to use a fun name for you; do you like the sound of this one?’ 

These phrases make the act of asking for permission feel natural and help children to practise showing respect without losing the joy of nicknames. 

Intervene Calmly in the Moment 

When you hear an unwanted nickname being used, you can step in without harshness by saying, “Remember to check first. Please ask your sibling if they are okay with that name.” This corrects the behaviour without shaming the child and signals that using nicknames without consent is not accepted in your home. 

Reinforce Mutual Respect 

When one child asks for permission and their sibling agrees happily, you can highlight this positive interaction by saying, “That was very thoughtful of you to ask. And it is very kind of you to say yes.” When a child says no and the other sibling stops, that should be praised as well: “Thank you for respecting their boundary so well.” 

A Mini-Dialogue Example 

Child A: ‘Hey, Shorty!’ 

Child B: (frowns) 

Parent: ‘Remember, in our family, we always ask first. Please try that again.’ 

Child A: ‘Is it okay with you if I call you Shorty?’ 

Child B: ‘No, I do not like it.’ 

Child A: ‘Okay, I will not use it again.’ 

Parent: ‘Good job respecting each other’s feelings. That shows real kindness.’ 

This simple dialogue demonstrates that the goal is not to police your children’s humour, but to build respect and consent into their daily interactions. In essence, teaching your children to ask before using nicknames is about showing them that love must always respect a person’s dignity. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam is clear that all forms of mockery or hurtful speech are forbidden. The use of offensive nicknames is specifically mentioned in the Quran as an act that is displeasing to Allah. 

Islam Forbids Offensive Nicknames 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verses 11: 

‘Those of you who are believers, do not let a nation ridicule another nation, as perhaps it may be that they are better than them…and do not insult each other; and do not call each other by (offensive) nicknames…’ 

This verse makes it clear that using mocking or offensive nicknames is prohibited. Our children can be taught that this is not just a matter of good manners, but is in fact a matter of faith. Allah cares about how we speak to each other, even in small details like the names we use. Asking for permission before using a nickname is one way to ensure that it is playful, not hurtful. 

The Prophet’s Example of Respecting Names 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2132, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most beloved of names to Allah are Abdullah and Abdur-Rahman.’ 

This Hadith reflects the great honour that is placed upon names in Islam. If Allah Himself loves certain names, and the Prophet ﷺ always showed respect to people by using the names that they valued, then our children should also learn that this respect includes not twisting a person’s name into something that is unwelcome. 

By rooting this lesson in both good psychology and in our faith, you can help your siblings to see that gaining consent for a nickname is not about being overly strict, but is about protecting dignity. Over time, they will learn from your example that our words, even our playful ones, must always seek to uplift, not to harm, and that true affection never needs to hide behind ridicule.