How do I teach my child to greet and thank elders, even on shy days? 

Parenting Perspective 

For many children, the simple act of greeting an elder or offering thanks can feel quite daunting, especially on their “shy days.” They might mumble, avoid eye contact, or hide behind a parent. While shyness is a normal part of many children’s temperament, it should not prevent them from showing good manners. Teaching your child to greet and thank elders, even if they do so softly, helps them to practise confidence, empathy, and social grace. These gestures of respect are not just a matter of etiquette; they are small acts of warmth that connect the generations. 

Beginning with Understanding, Not Pressure 

Shy children often freeze up not out of rudeness, but from a place of anxiety. They may fear being watched, judged, or saying the wrong thing. It is important to start with empathy. You could say, ‘I know it can feel a bit scary to talk to adults sometimes. You do not have to be loud; you just have to be kind and clear.’ When your child feels seen and understood, they are more likely to try. 

Modelling Gentle Greetings Every Day 

Children learn their manners primarily through imitation. Let them see you greeting elders warmly, using a friendly tone and respectful body language. For example, ‘Assalamu Alaikum, Auntie. It is so lovely to see you!’ Then, you can turn to your child with a smile and gently invite them to join in: ‘Would you like to say salaam, too?’ Seeing you lead with such ease helps them to realise that greetings are not a performance, but an act of kindness. 

Practising ‘Soft Start’ Greetings at Home 

Role-playing is an especially helpful tool for shy children. You can practise short, calm greetings in the safety and comfort of your own home. 

• ‘Assalamu Alaikum, how are you?’ 

• ‘Thank you for visiting us.’ 

• A perfect phrase for a shy voice is: ‘Assalamu Alaikum, it is nice to see you.’ 

Keep the practice playful, with no pressure for perfection, and be sure to praise their effort, not their volume. 

Teaching the Meaning Behind the Manners 

Children engage much better with a task when they understand why it matters. You can explain, ‘When we greet or thank our elders, we are showing them respect and spreading kindness. It is a way of saying, “You matter to me.”’ Linking good manners to love and faith, rather than just obligation, can help to transform polite habits into heartfelt actions. 

Creating a Routine of Gratitude 

You can build small daily rituals into your family life, such as saying Assalamu Alaikum when an elder enters the room, or Jazak Allahu Khairan after receiving something. Consistency is what turns manners into an instinct. If your child hesitates, it is better to offer a gentle prompt rather than a scolding. 

Teaching Non-Verbal Forms of Respect 

On days when speaking feels too hard for your child, you can remind them that kindness also lives in our gestures. A warm smile, brief eye contact, a small nod, or placing a hand on their chest when offering a greeting are all powerful non-verbal cues. This gives shy children the confidence that their good manners can still shine through quietly. 

Celebrating Their Small Wins 

When your child manages to greet or thank someone, even if it is very brief, be sure to acknowledge it warmly later on. You might say, ‘You greeted your uncle even though you were feeling shy. That was so respectful, and I am very proud of you.’ This positive reinforcement turns their effort into a source of pride, and pride helps to build a lasting habit. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, greeting others and showing gratitude are not treated as mere courtesies; they are considered to be acts of worship and clear markers of a good character. Teaching a child to greet and thank their elders kindly, even when they are feeling shy, helps them to live the prophetic manners with sincerity and grace. 

The Quranic Blessing of Greetings 

The Quran shows us that the act of giving a greeting is a source of blessing from Allah Almighty. It is a sacred exchange that spreads peace and fosters connection between people. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Noor (24), Verses 61: 

‘… but when you enter the houses, then say Salaam in your greeting, pertaining to Allah (Almighty) for your own benefit, which is blessed and a source of purification; in this way (Allah) Almighty has clarified for you the benchmarks (of modest behaviour); so that you may understand (the rationale of the truth).‘ 

When your child says Assalamu Alaikum, even softly, they are participating in this sacred exchange of goodwill. 

The Prophetic Example of Gratitude and Respect 

The teachings of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ inform us that showing gratitude towards other people is a direct reflection of our gratitude towards Allah. A thankful heart is a sign of a strong faith. 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4811, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He who does not thank the people has not thanked Allah.‘ 

When your child says “thank you” to an elder, they are not only being polite; they are expressing their faith in action. 

When your child learns to greet and thank their elders, even in their own small and quiet ways, they are learning that respect does not need to be loud; it just needs to be sincere. They discover that their shyness is not a barrier to goodness, but simply a different way of expressing it. 

Each soft Assalamu Alaikum and quiet “thank you” becomes a moment of grace and a seed of confidence that is growing within their gentle heart. Over time, they will learn that good manners are not a performance to please others, but a reflection of the faith and gratitude that are most pleasing to Allah Almighty. 

In those gentle words, spoken with sincerity even on their shyest days, your child will come to embody the prophetic beauty of character: humble, kind, and gracious in every interaction, seeking peace with people and the pleasure of Allah Almighty.