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How do I teach my child that it is okay to feel upset with me, without making it about my own feelings? 

Parenting Perspective 

Giving Emotional Permission 

Children must understand that they are free to feel upset with the people they love, including their parents. Saying something like, It is okay to feel upset with me, can serve as an example of emotional safety. Even when you are upset, I still adore you. It is safe to feel without worrying about being rejected thanks to these remarks. 

Fostering Honest Communication 

Steer clear of guilt-inducing responses such as You hurt my feelings too or I was only trying to help. These reactions change the subject and could make the child suppress their emotions in order to keep you safe. Rather, maintain your composure and ask, Can you tell me what felt unfair or upsetting? This makes it possible to communicate honestly. You do not have to share their viewpoint in order to respect their freedom to voice it. You are teaching children that healthy relationships allow for frustration by accepting their difficult feelings without becoming defensive. Emotional permission fosters self-awareness, self-control, and a greater sense of trust in oneself as well as oneself. 

Spiritual Insight 

Sincerity and humility are the cornerstones of all interactions in Islam, including the relationship between parents and children. Even when it was uncomfortable, the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ graciously took criticism and emotion. No one was ever scared to be honest with him because of him. It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawud, Hadith 3125, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

Allah Almighty shows compassion only to those of His servants who are compassionate 

And Allah Almighty says in the noble Quran, in Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verse 40: 

….So therefore whoever offers amnesty and reconciliation, then his reward shall be with Allah (Almighty)…. 

Reconnecting and forgiving after experiencing emotional hurt, particularly when we are the one who caused it, is a show of maturity rather than weakness. You are emulating prophetic humility and beckoning Allah Almighty’s blessing when you allow your child to be angry with you without focussing on your own suffering. In this way, trust is strengthened rather than weakened. 

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