How do I talk to my child who hides feelings to ‘protect’ me? 

Parenting Perspective 

Their Feelings Are Not a Burden 

Some children hide their true feelings because they worry about upsetting you. They may think, ‘If I tell Mum or Dad, they will feel sad or worried.’ This can cause them to bottle up fear, sadness, or anger until it feels too heavy to carry. Start by gently letting your child know that their feelings are never a burden to you. Use warm words: ‘You never have to hide your feelings to protect me. I want to know what is in your heart because I love you.’ 

Create Safe Spaces and Model Openness 

Create safe spaces for open chats, such as a bedtime talk, a quiet walk, or a cosy story time. Ask open, gentle questions: ‘Is there something you wish I knew? Do you ever feel you have to hide things from me?’ Praise them for any truth they share, even if it is awkward or messy. Tell them honestly that you can handle big feelings and that you are strong enough to help them carry theirs. Share your own moments of telling someone you trust when you were scared to speak. Over time, these small reassurances build trust. Your child learns that they do not have to be the protector; you are the parent, and their feelings are always safe with you. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam reminds us that nothing we share with love and honesty is ever wasted, and that Allah Almighty sees our hidden struggles. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Qaaf (50), Verse 16: 

‘And indeed, We have created mankind, and so We have full knowledge of all the (thoughts) he murmurs within himself; and We (Allah Almighty) are more closer to him than his jugular vein.’ 

This Ayah shows your child that they never have to hide their feelings because Allah Almighty knows their whispers before they even speak. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 3372, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Dua is worship.’ 

Encourage your child to make a soft prayer when they feel scared to open up: ‘Ya Allah, help me share what is in my heart.’ This gentle act links truth-telling to trust in Allah Almighty. By showing your child that you can handle their real feelings, their tears, anger, and fear, you teach them that honesty builds love, not distance. Your steady care, rooted in faith, shows them that they do not protect you by hiding their feelings; they honour your bond by sharing them.