How do I stop them from thinking love equals buying what they want? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children often receive conflicting messages where affection is constantly conflated with material gifts. This association is largely driven by the pervasive influence of advertising, peer culture, and social media trends. To effectively dismantle this materialistic correlation, parents must intentionally model that love resides in presence, not in purchase. 

Prioritising Attention Over Acquisition 

The most critical and fundamental step involves consciously allocating your time and focused attention before resorting to offering possessions. It is necessary to make a deliberate effort to vocalise the inherent value of personal connection. You must ensure you are stating, ‘I genuinely love spending quality time with you,’ far more frequently than, ‘I shall buy that for you.’ This consistent practice re-establishes the correct hierarchy of affection, where presence takes precedence over property. 

Building Connection Through Non-Spending Rituals 

Developing intentional family rituals that require no financial outlay is invaluable for anchoring emotional connection in shared experience rather than consumption. Establish regular activities such as shared reading sessions, engaging nature walks, communal baking, or performing family salah together. These non-material engagements build a deep emotional bond that naturally situates love within the relationship itself. When your child requests an item, gently reframe your response to highlight your protective role: ‘I acknowledge that you deeply desire that because it looks very exciting, but my most important expression of love is constantly shown by caring for your fundamental needs and ensuring your overall safety.’ 

Modelling Affection Through Action 

Children are perceptive observers and will inevitably mimic the behaviour they witness. When parents sincerely express affection through calm, focused listening and shared, experience-based moments, the correct message about love settles deeply into their understanding. The lasting association they form will be that love is steady, reliable care, a quality utterly distinct from the fleeting satisfaction of material indulgence. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islamically, the highest expression of love and giving is rooted in selfless sincerity (Ikhlas) and actively seeking the benefit of others, completely unattached to worldly returns or recognition. This spiritual reality provides the deepest and most profound counter-narrative to modern materialism. 

The Quran provides a perfect paradigm of love shown through giving that seeks no return, clearly showing that true affection is pure and selfless. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Insan (76), Verses 8–9: 

‘And they give food in spite of love for it to the needy, the orphan, and the captive, [saying], “We feed you only for the countenance of Allah. We wish not from you reward or gratitude…”’ 

Parents can teach children that true love is powerfully demonstrated through sincere, selfless giving—charity performed with deep restraint and sincerity—which carries infinitely more weight and spiritual value than the endless accumulation of personal items. This focus shifts their understanding towards the purity of intention over the mere volume of acquisition. 

The prophetic tradition clearly defines that true wealth is not measured by material possessions but by the spiritual state of the heart, directly countering the world’s emphasis on acquisition. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6446, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:  

‘Wealth (and by extension, provision) is not in having many possessions, but true wealth is the richness of the soul.’ 

This Hadith teaches children that the highest form of wealth is found internally through contentment (qana’ah), not externally through possessions. Explain to your children that real love is shown by fostering goodness, including the goodness of a satisfied heart. When they successfully link the concept of love and happiness to inner contentment rather than just receiving material goods, their spiritual comprehension deepens beyond material dependence. This reinforces that true abundance is already within their grasp through appreciation and gratitude. 

By consistently pairing parental affection with sincerity, selfless time, and devotion, parents successfully nurture hearts that correctly recognise the enduring nature of love found in presence, spiritual devotion, and deep compassion—qualities that fundamentally surpass the shallow, temporary appeal of possessions.