How do I respond when my child says, ‘You love your phone more than me’?

Parenting Perspective

Hearing your child say these words can be painful, but it is important to see them not as an accusation, but as an expression of longing. A child often cannot distinguish between the attention you give a device and the affection you have for them; they only see where your focus lies. The most important first step is to pause, put your phone down, and give them your complete attention. A gentle response like, ‘You are the most important person in the world to me, and I am sorry I made you feel otherwise’, validates their feelings without you becoming defensive.

Explain Simply and Reassure

If your phone use is often for necessary tasks, you can explain this in simple terms they can understand. For example, ‘Sometimes I have to use my phone for work, but that work is never more important than you’. It is crucial to immediately back up your words with action. Put the phone away and re-engage with them, showing that your behaviour aligns with your reassurance.

Create ‘Proof Moments’ Daily

To rebuild their confidence in your love, actively create daily ‘proof moments’. These are small but visible instances where your child sees you choose them over your device without them having to ask. Putting your phone in another room during playtime or leaving it behind on a walk are powerful, non-verbal demonstrations of your love and priority.

Spiritual Insight

The Islamic faith teaches us to prioritise that which has lasting value and to understand that our character is demonstrated through our actions, especially in response to our children.

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Kahf (18), Verse 46:

‘All wealth and offspring are luxuries of the worldly life, but (the outcomes of) virtuosity shall remain forever, and it is deemed the best (action) to be rewarded by your Sustainer, and the best source of hope (for the Hereafter)…’

This verse provides a powerful perspective on our priorities. While worldly things, including the tools we use like our phones, are temporary adornments, it is our relationships and good deeds that are of enduring value. Our focused attention on our children is one of these lasting good deeds.

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1623, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

‘A father gives his child nothing better than good manners.’

Responding to your child’s cry for attention with patience and humility is, in itself, an act of teaching good manners. By showing them tangible proof of your love in that moment, you not only repair the connection but also model the very character you hope to instil in them.