How do I respond when my child insists “the teacher said it is fine” and I disagree? 

Parenting Perspective 

When your child insists, ‘But the teacher said it is fine!’ after you have disagreed with something, it can feel undermining. You may feel frustrated or even disrespected, as if your authority is being challenged. However, what is really happening is that your child is caught between two sources of authority. They are not trying to defy you; they are trying to make sense of conflicting guidance. Your role is to remain calm and confident, not to compete with the teacher, but to show that home and school can coexist with mutual respect and clarity. 

Understanding What Lies Behind the Statement 

Children naturally look for validation. When they quote a teacher, they are not usually being manipulative; they are trying to strengthen their own position. To them, the teacher represents expertise, while you represent love and structure. When those two things seem to clash, a child’s mind will often lean towards the easier path. Recognising this allows you to respond with wisdom instead of defensiveness. 

Grounding Yourself Before Responding 

Before you reply, it is important to pause and take a breath. Remind yourself: I do not need to prove my authority, I need to model it calmly. Reacting with irritation, such as saying, ‘I do not care what your teacher said!’, will only fuel confusion and resentment. A calm, confident communication style, however, will strengthen your child’s trust in your judgement. 

A Calm and Confident Response 

Here is how you can respond when your child insists, ‘The teacher said it is fine’: 

• Acknowledge their trust in the teacher: ‘I am glad you listen so carefully to your teacher. That shows respect, which is a wonderful thing.’ 

• Affirm your role gently: ‘However, at home, my job is to look after you in a different way. Sometimes what is suitable for a school environment might not fit with what we do as a family.’ 

• Clarify the value behind your decision: ‘I am not disagreeing just to be strict; I am thinking about what is best for you in the bigger picture.’ 

• Reassure and conclude calmly: ‘Your teacher helps you at school, and I guide you at home. We both want the same thing, which is for you to succeed and be well.’ 

This calm tone avoids creating a competition and teaches your child to respect both home and school authority without confusion. You are showing that your ‘no’ is not an act of opposition, but an act of protection rooted in care. 

When Your Child Pushes Back 

If your child continues to insist, calmly repeat, ‘I understand what your teacher said, but my decision for our home remains the same.’ If the argument continues, you can gently step away. Your calm consistency teaches them that respect remains steady even when opinions differ. 

Reflection After the Moment 

When things have settled, you can reflect on the situation together. You might say, ‘Sometimes adults see things differently, and that is okay. What is important is that we learn from everyone and then make choices that bring us closer to what is right.’ This reflection helps to build emotional maturity and a respect for nuance, qualities that will guide them far beyond childhood. 

Spiritual Insight 

Navigating differences in authority mirrors the balance that Islam teaches between respect and discernment. We are encouraged to honour knowledge and guidance while maintaining a wisdom that is rooted in our own principles. By responding calmly when your child quotes a teacher, you are modelling both adab (good manners) and hikmah (wisdom), teaching your child how to disagree respectfully while staying true to your family’s values. 

Balancing Respect and Wisdom in the Quran 

The Quran reminds us that true understanding requires reflection, not blind acceptance of every opinion we hear. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 36: 

‘And do not pursue (to meddle in matters) with which you have no knowledge; indeed, your hearing (everything you heard), your sight (everything you observed), your conscience (everything you thought), in fact, all of these (your faculties) shall be called for questioning (on the Day of Judgment).’ 

By calmly guiding your child to think beyond a single opinion, you are teaching them the Quranic principle of thoughtful discernment: to seek truth, not just convenience. 

The Prophet’s ﷺ Example of Respectful Discernment 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ modelled how true wisdom flows from a state of composure, not from impulse or anger. This is a powerful principle for any parent to follow. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1334, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A judge should not judge between two people while he is angry.’ 

This Hadith beautifully highlights the importance of calm judgement before making a decision. When you respond to your child’s insistence with steadiness rather than frustration, you reflect this prophetic balance, showing that clarity and calm are the true signs of strength. 

When your child says, ‘The teacher said it is fine,’ your calm reply teaches them that authority is not about being the loudest voice, but about being consistent and wise. You are showing them that respect can coexist with independent thinking, and that truth is often found in balance, not in bias. 

Each time you remain composed, you are nurturing a child who can listen to multiple voices without losing their own moral compass. Over time, they will learn that the calm discernment they saw in you is what turns knowledge into wisdom, and obedience into understanding.