How do I reset when private information is used in a sibling argument? 

Parenting Perspective 

Few things can cut deeper in a sibling dispute than when one child drags private information into an argument. A secret, an embarrassing mistake, or something that was shared in confidence can suddenly become a weapon. The hurt caused is then doubled, not only because of the fight itself, but because the fundamental bond of trust feels as though it has been broken. Resetting in such a situation means tackling both the argument and the breach of confidentiality. 

Call Out the Breach of Trust Directly 

When you hear a child exposing another’s private information, it is important to intervene immediately and calmly. You can say, “That was private information, and it should not be used in an argument.” By clearly naming the behaviour, you are showing both children that exposing secrets will not be tolerated. Ignoring it can signal that this tactic is acceptable. 

Teach the Rule of Confidentiality 

Explain to your children that the trust within a family is sacred. You might say, “When someone shares something private with you, it is like they are giving you a treasure to keep safe. Using that information to hurt them later is a way of breaking that trust.” This imagery can help children to understand that private information is valuable and must be protected. 

Provide a Script for Repair 

You can coach the offending child on how to repair the breach in the moment. For example, they could learn to say: 

• ‘I should not have shared that. I am sorry.’ 

• ‘That was a private matter. I will not use it in an argument again.’ 

This gives them a direct and immediate way to restore their sibling’s dignity, instead of simply moving on without acknowledging the deeper hurt. 

Support the Child Who Was Exposed 

It is vital to turn to the sibling who was hurt and affirm their right to feel upset. You could say, “It was wrong for your private information to be shared like that. We will make sure that this does not happen again.” This reassures them that their feelings are valid and helps to restore their sense of safety within the family. 

Set Clear Boundaries for Future Arguments 

Establish a clear and firm family rule: “Private information is never to be used as an insult or a weapon in this home. If it happens again, the argument will stop immediately, and we will have to reset.” Reinforcing this boundary consistently teaches your children that trust is non-negotiable. 

A Mini-Dialogue Example 

Child A: ‘At least I do not cry at night like you did last week!’ 

Parent: ‘Stop. That was private information. We do not use secrets as weapons in our arguments.’ 

Child A: ‘I should not have said that. I am sorry.’ 

Parent: ‘Good. Now let us reset. You can argue about the problem, but not about private matters.’ 

Child B: ‘Okay.’ 

Parent: ‘Remember, we must always protect each other’s dignity, even when we disagree.’ 

By handling the situation in this way, you are modelling fairness, repair, and the protection of trust, which are essential skills that extend far beyond sibling relationships. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that concealing the private matters and faults of others is an act that is beloved to Allah, while exposing them is a cause of disgrace and a serious sin. 

Concealing Faults Is a Sign of Faith 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Noor (24), Verses 19: 

‘Indeed, those people that like to propagate (false accusations of) immorality against those people who are believers; for them is a dreadful punishment in the worldly life and in the Hereafter…’ 

This verse highlights the seriousness of publicising the private matters of others, even if it is said in jest or in a moment of anger. Teaching our children this verse can help them to see that repeating secrets or embarrassing stories is not a small issue; it is spiritually harmful and risks the displeasure of Allah. 

The Prophet’s Teaching on Concealing Faults 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ strongly emphasised the virtue of protecting one another’s dignity by concealing faults. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2699, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever conceals [the faults of] a Muslim, Allah will conceal [his faults] in this world and the Hereafter’ 

This Hadith directly ties the act of concealing a person’s private matters to receiving divine protection for our own. Parents can explain this beautiful principle by saying, “If you keep your sibling’s private information safe, Allah will keep your own faults safe. But if you expose theirs, you risk having your own faults exposed one day.” 

By grounding the family rule of confidentiality in these core Islamic values, you can show your children that protecting each other’s secrets is not only about keeping peace at home but is also about their personal relationship with Allah. Over time, they will come to understand that arguments should be focused on solving problems, not on humiliating each other, and that safeguarding trust is a profound act of faith.