How do I refuse a suggestion that our child sleep in our bed at relatives’ homes? 

Parenting Perspective 

When you are staying with relatives, it is common for family members to suggest that your child should sleep in your bed, either out of cultural habit or for the child’s comfort. While this is usually well-intentioned, it can undermine the boundaries you have worked hard to set at home and can confuse your child. A polite but firm approach can help you to protect your family’s routine without offending your loved ones. 

Step 1: Appreciate the Intention 

Always begin your response with warmth and appreciation for their concern. You could say, ‘I know you just want them to feel comfortable, and I really appreciate you thinking of that’. This shows that you recognise their good intentions and are not simply rejecting their idea. 

Step 2: State Your Family Rule Clearly 

Follow your appreciation with a calm and clear explanation of your family’s routine. For example: ‘At home, we have worked really hard on helping them to feel secure sleeping in their own space. We would like to keep that routine going while we are here, so they do not get unsettled when we go back’. This frames your decision as an act of care for the child, not as a criticism of their suggestion. 

Step 3: Offer a Respectful Alternative 

Show that you are flexible by suggesting practical alternatives. This could be bringing a travel cot, setting up a temporary mattress on the floor, or suggesting that the child could sleep in a room with their siblings or cousins. This reassures relatives that your child will be comfortable and not feel excluded. 

Step 4: Stay Consistent 

If you give in to the pressure once, your child may demand it every time you travel, and your relatives may expect it too. Holding your ground gently but consistently teaches everyone, including your child, that this boundary is a firm but loving one. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places great value on showing kindness and maintaining ties with family, but it also teaches us to uphold modesty (ḥayā’), maintain healthy boundaries, and take our parenting responsibilities seriously. Protecting your child’s established sleeping routine is a part of this sacred trust. 

Quranic Guidance on Privacy and Boundaries 

The Quran highlights the importance of privacy and boundaries, even within the closest family unit. It teaches that children must learn to respect private spaces from a young age. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Noor (24), Verse 58: 

‘Those of you who are believers, on three occasions (of the day), let those women that are legally bound to you (female servants), and those who have not attained the age of puberty amongst you, seek your permission (before intruding on your privacy); (firstly, at any time) before the Fajr (dawn) prayer; (secondly, at the time) when you put aside your garments, at noon (for a siesta); (thirdly, at any time) after Isha (night) prayer…’ 

This verse establishes the principle of privacy within the home. 

The Prophetic Teaching on Separate Sleeping Spaces 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught that as children grow, it is important for them to have their own separate sleeping spaces. 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 495, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Command your children to pray when they are seven years old, and discipline them for it when they are ten years old and separate them in their beds.’ 

This shows that encouraging children to sleep independently is a part of a sound Islamic upbringing. 

By declining the suggestion with grace and offering alternatives, you uphold your child’s emotional security, respect Islamic principles of privacy, and maintain family harmony. Your child learns that modesty, routine, and respect go hand in hand.