How do I manage my calm when my child yells at siblings during homework time? 

Parenting Perspective 

When your child shouts at their siblings during homework time, it can create a chaotic and draining atmosphere. You might feel frustrated, thinking, ‘I am trying to help one child, and now the entire house is tense!’ These moments test both your patience and your focus. However, beneath the shouting, there is usually more than simple sibling rivalry; it is often an expression of stress, a need for space, or a bid for attention. Your ability to remain calm in this storm teaches every child in the room that peace is a choice, even when emotions are high. 

Understanding What Fuels the Yelling 

Children may yell at their siblings during homework for several reasons. The child who is studying may feel anxious or overwhelmed, while the other sibling might be distracting them or receiving attention that the first child feels they are lacking. This is not always deliberate mischief; it is a form of emotional displacement. When frustration with schoolwork builds up, siblings can become an easy target. Recognising the behaviour as stress-driven, rather than simply rude, can help you respond more effectively. 

Grounding Yourself Before Responding 

Before you intervene, it is important to take a quiet breath. Remind yourself: my role is not to fix this instantly, but to guide the situation back to peace. Responding with anger will only add more heat to an already noisy situation. Your own calmness is the anchor that can restore balance to the room. 

A Calm and Guiding Script 

When your child yells at their siblings, respond with a tone that is both firm and gentle. 

• Acknowledge the emotion: ‘It sounds like you are feeling very frustrated right now. I know that homework can be stressful.’ 

• Set the boundary clearly: ‘However, shouting at your brother or sister is not an acceptable way to handle it. If you need some quiet, we can find a better solution.’ 

• Offer a practical solution: ‘Let us move your work to a quieter spot, or I can ask your siblings to play in another room for a while.’ 

• Reinforce self-regulation: ‘Next time you feel this upset, please tell me calmly instead of yelling. I will always listen to you.’ 

This approach helps to de-escalate the situation without shaming anyone involved. You are showing that while the emotion is acceptable, the behaviour has limits, a balance that builds both maturity and respect. 

If the Yelling Continues 

If your child continues to shout despite your reminders, lower your own voice instead of raising it. Quietly say, ‘I will step away until everyone is calmer.’ Then, remove yourself from the immediate situation for a moment. Your composure models self-control far more effectively than any argument ever could. 

Reflection After the Moment 

Once calm has returned, bring your children together for a gentle conversation. You could say, ‘Things became a little noisy earlier. Everyone was feeling frustrated, but next time we will handle it better. Let us think of some ways we can all help to keep homework time peaceful.’ This encourages teamwork and empathy, teaching cooperation within the family. 

Spiritual Insight 

Maintaining patience amidst family noise is a profound spiritual discipline. Islam teaches that peace begins within the home, and that sabr (patience) and rahmah (mercy) are the foundations of all nurturing relationships. When you hold your calm as tempers flare, you are embodying the mercy that Allah Almighty loves to see in parents: a patience that protects, rather than punishes. 

Building Harmony Through Patience in the Quran 

The Quran reminds us that true calmness flows from the remembrance of Allah; not from external silence, but from a state of inward peace. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Ra’ad (13), Verse 28: 

‘Those people who are believers, and attain serenity of their hearts with the remembrance of Allah (Almighty); indeed, it is only with the remembrance of Allah (Almighty) that one can (and does) find peace of mind and heart.’ 

When you remain composed during conflict, you are putting this remembrance into action. The calm in your heart can become the calm of your home. 

The Prophet’s ﷺ Example of Gentleness 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught that true faith is demonstrated through emotional safety, and that peace begins with how we speak and act towards one another. 

It is recorded in Sunan Nisai, Hadith 4995, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A Muslim is the one from whose tongue and hand the people are safe…’ 

This Hadith emphasises that our words and actions should be a source of safety for others. When you guide your child calmly, you are helping them to embody this prophetic value: that family peace is preserved through kind words and gentle conduct. 

When your child shouts at their siblings during homework, your calmness becomes the unseen teacher in the room. You are showing that peace is not the absence of noise, but the choice of gentleness within it. 

Every time you hold your patience, you strengthen your children’s sense of safety and mutual respect. Over time, they will learn that shouting does not earn them control, but that calmness does. Through your steady example, they will come to see that harmony at home is not something that can be demanded, but something that is modelled, moment by patient moment.