Parenting Perspective 

Normalise Feelings, Guide Actions 

Helping your child to understand that their feelings are normal but that their actions matter is essential for developing emotional intelligence and self-control. You can start by acknowledging that emotions such as anger, frustration, and sadness are a natural part of being human. Let your child know that it is okay to feel upset or angry in certain situations, but that how they respond to those feelings is what is important. For example, you might say, ‘It is okay to feel angry when things do not go the way you want. But it is important to choose how you react to those feelings.’ 

Feelings Do Not Justify Hurtful Actions 

Teach your child that their feelings do not justify hurtful actions. For instance, if your child is angry and acts out by hitting or yelling, you can explain that while their anger is understandable, the way they express it is what matters. You could say, ‘Feeling angry is natural, but hurting someone because of it is not okay. What are some better ways to deal with your anger?’ This helps your child to understand that they have control over their actions, even if they cannot always control their emotions. 

Encourage Positive Expression 

Encourage your child to find positive ways to express their emotions. You can teach them techniques such as deep breathing, talking about their feelings, or taking a break when they feel overwhelmed. Role-playing is an effective way to practice these strategies, so your child will feel more confident when they need to use them in real situations. Praise your child when they respond to their feelings in a calm and positive manner, as this reinforces the idea that while feelings are natural, their actions should be guided by respect and kindness. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, managing our emotions and actions with patience and wisdom is highly valued. Allah Almighty teaches us in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verse 43: 

‘And for the person who is patient and forgiving, indeed, (these acts are derived from) higher moral determination.’ 

This verse encourages us to respond to emotions like anger with patience and forgiveness, reflecting the idea that while our feelings are normal, our actions should be guided by patience and understanding. 

The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ also emphasised the importance of controlling one’s actions, even in moments of strong emotion. It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6114, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong person is not the one who can overpower others, but the one who can control themselves in moments of anger.’ 

This Hadith teaches that true strength lies in self-control, especially when emotions are high. By teaching your child that while their feelings are natural, their actions should be respectful and controlled, you are guiding them to live in accordance with the values of patience and emotional intelligence in Islam.