How do I handle self-harming behaviours like head banging? 

Parenting Perspective 

Understanding the Behaviour 

Seeing your child hurt themselves through head banging or similar actions can feel frightening and heartbreaking. For some children with additional needs, this behaviour is not about wanting to cause harm. It is often their desperate way of showing distress, pain, sensory overload or frustration when they do not yet have the words to explain how they feel.

Focus on Safety First 

First, focus on keeping them safe. Protect their head with soft cushions or move them to a safer space away from sharp corners or hard surfaces. Try to stay as calm as you can, even if you feel panicked inside, your steady presence helps reassure them. Avoid shouting or punishing them. Instead, use a calm, firm voice and say something like, ‘I see you are upset. I am here to help you stay safe.’ 

Identifying Triggers and Offering Alternatives 

Try to notice what might have triggered the behaviour. Was there a sudden loud noise, a demand that felt too difficult or some physical discomfort? Once they have calmed down, gently offer safer alternatives to help them release tension. This could be a chewy toy, squeezing a pillow or pressing their hands together firmly. 

Keeping a Diary and Seeking Support 

Keep a diary to spot any patterns, this can help you plan and make small changes to routines or environments that may reduce the chances of self-harming behaviours. If hurting themselves happens often or feels severe, reach out for extra support from a trusted GP, occupational therapist or behavioural specialist. 

Remember, this does not mean you are failing as a parent. It means your child needs help learning safer ways to cope with big feelings. Your calm presence and patient support make more of a difference than you may realise. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam reminds us that your child’s struggles, no matter how hidden or misunderstood by others, are fully known to Allah Almighty, and so is your patient effort to protect and guide them. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 286: 

‘Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear. ‘

This Ayah brings comfort: even this deeply testing behaviour is not beyond your strength when you rely on Allah Almighty. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 3671, that holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

‘Be kind to children and perfect in your upbringing of them. ‘

This Hadith Shareef shows that your calmness and gentle redirection, even in your exhaustion, are acts of worship. Make sincere Dua for understanding: ask Allah Almighty to ease your child’s distress, to guide you to the right help and to grant you Sabr when you feel helpless. If you ever feel alone in these moments, remind yourself that the One who is Al-Lateef, the Most Gentle, knows your fear and will not let your tears go unseen. May He protect your child from harm, guide you to practical solutions and turn these moments of trial into a means of deep connection, hope and trust in His mercy.