How do I handle pocket money complaints that ‘they get more than me’? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child complains about pocket money, they are often seeking reassurance that love and fairness are still intact within the family. It is crucial to address the underlying emotion before discussing the figures. 

Acknowledge the Feeling First 

Begin by validating their feelings: ‘It sounds like that feels unfair to you, and I can see that it hurts.’ By sitting with their emotion rather than immediately countering the accusation, you create a calm space. When a child feels heard, they are more capable of reasoning. Keep your voice low and your body language relaxed to avoid escalating the discussion into an argument. 

Create a Visible Pocket Money Charter 

Fairness feels safer when the rules are visible to everyone. Create a simple pocket money charter and display it on the fridge or a noticeboard. This could include: 

• Base amount: The same weekly sum for each child, based on their age or school stage. 

• Earnings: Optional top-ups for extra jobs that are not part of their basic family chores. 

• Deductions: Clear and predictable consequences for agreed-upon issues, such as breakages. 

• Reviews: A set date each term to revisit the amounts as the children grow. 

Having simple, visual rules helps to prevent the misunderstandings that can arise when children feel there are ‘secret exceptions’. 

Teach Key Fairness Concepts 

Explain the difference between equality, equity, and timing using clear examples: 

• Equality: This is the base amount that is the same for children at the same stage. 

• Equity: This involves different short-term support based on genuine needs, such as a bus pass, a school trip, or special stationery for exams. 

• Timing: One child might receive something now because their need is immediate; the other will receive theirs when their need arises. 

You can summarise this for your child: ‘The base amount is the same for the same stage. Any extras are given for real needs, not because of favouritism. If it is not your turn today, it will be when your need comes up.’ 

Turn Complaint into Capability 

Shift the conversation from ‘Why do they get more?’ to ‘How can I earn or plan for what I want?’ Offer a small, defined list of paid jobs that go beyond basic family duties, such as washing the car or weeding a section of the garden. Agree on a price per task rather than per hour. You can also teach simple budgeting by using three jars or envelopes labelled Give, Save, and Use. Children who feel they have some control over their finances are less likely to feel trapped by comparisons. 

Use Transparency to Reduce Conflict 

Once emotions have cooled, it can be helpful to show the amounts on paper. A simple table with names, base amounts, extras, and any one-off needs can help align perception with reality. Keep any extras transparent and for a limited time. If you have made a mistake, admit it and correct it. A humble repair teaches more about justice than perfect arithmetic ever could. 

Maintain Privacy and Dignity 

Avoid itemising a sibling’s struggles to justify spending. If one child needed new shoes or extra tutoring, protect their privacy. You can say, ‘There were some needs that you might not have seen. I will not list them, but I can show you the overall plan that keeps things fair for everyone.’ In front of both children, praise effort rather than totals: ‘I noticed how you saved for three weeks to buy that. Your patience was very strong.’ 

Finally, communicate with care. Start with empathy: ‘It feels unfair. Thank you for telling me calmly.’ Remind them of the rules: ‘Our rule is the same base for the same stage, and extras are for real needs or agreed jobs.’ Then, invite action: ‘Would you like to check the paid-jobs list or plan a new saving goal?’ Close with reassurance: ‘My love is not measured in money. Our family plan is what helps us to keep things fair.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam frames money as a trust from Allah Almighty, which should be managed with justice, moderation, and care for one’s dependents.¹ These core principles can help you set calm, consistent boundaries at home while nurturing generous hearts in your children. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verse 67: 

‘And it is those people that do not spend extravagantly, nor miserly; and (act in such a way) that is a balanced format between these two (extreme characteristics).’ 

Teach this verse as the family’s spending compass: to be neither tight-fisted nor careless, but balanced. Pocket money becomes a training ground for this important life skill. Explain that your family’s charter aims for justice and moderation, not for identical outcomes every single day. The ‘Give-Save-Use’ jars are a practical way to learn this balance by giving some, keeping some, and using the rest wisely. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 5364, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Take what is sufficient for you and your children, and the amount should be just and reasonable.’ 

This guidance anchors two principles you can share with your children: sufficiency and reasonableness. Sufficiency means meeting real needs without being wasteful. Reasonableness means setting amounts that are appropriate for the family’s situation and the child’s stage of life, not based on comparisons with friends or siblings. Use this hadith to explain why you have a base amount, why extras are provided for genuine needs, and why privacy around those needs is important. 

You can weave these teachings into a short nightly dua: ‘O Allah, make our spending balanced, our hearts content, and our giving cheerful.’ Over time, children will learn that money is not proof of love. It is a trust to be managed with fairness, gratitude, and self-control.