How do I handle it when my child blames their bad behaviour on “hormones”? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child says, “I cannot help it, it is my hormones,” it can leave a parent unsure how to respond. While puberty does bring intense hormonal changes that influence mood and impulse control, using hormones as a blanket excuse can hinder personal growth. The balance lies in acknowledging the science without allowing it to replace responsibility. 

Hormones explain why emotions feel sharper, not why respect disappears. Children need to understand that feeling something strongly does not justify acting carelessly. Your role is to help them separate understanding from permission by offering empathy for their struggle while expecting accountability for their choices. 

Validate the Feeling, Not the Behaviour 

When your child reacts harshly, avoid responding with mockery or dismissal. Instead of saying, “Stop using that as an excuse,” try a more balanced approach: “I know your emotions feel much stronger these days, and that is normal. However, you are still in control of how you choose to speak and act.” 

This approach communicates that you understand the biology but still expect good character. Validation calms defensiveness, and once emotions have settled, you can gently explore what triggered their reaction. Helping them to name their feelings, such as tiredness, hunger, or frustration, builds their emotional intelligence. Over time, they learn that while hormones may amplify emotions, the decision to act kindly remains theirs. 

Teach Ownership Through Calm Accountability 

Children often test boundaries to see how far compassion will stretch. The most effective response is steady firmness. You might say, “I understand it is hard to manage your temper at the moment, but you are responsible for the words you choose. Hormones make it harder, but not impossible.” 

Link every correction to a positive action, such as apologising after speaking rudely, taking a break when feeling angry, or writing about a feeling instead of shouting. When consequences are paired with reflection rather than punishment, accountability becomes a lesson in maturity, not a source of shame. 

Model Self-Control During Conflict 

When your child blames their hormones, the temptation to lecture sharply is strong. Yet, your own calm response teaches more than words ever could. If you remain composed, your child sees emotional control in action. They begin to understand that maturity is not about never feeling angry, but about not letting anger rule your actions. 

After an incident, you could say, “We both had strong feelings earlier. I worked on calming mine, and you can learn to do that too.” This approach models humility while reinforcing that everyone is responsible for their own self-management. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam recognises emotion as natural but emphasises self-control as a sign of true strength. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ experienced frustration and sadness but never allowed these feelings to translate into harmful actions. Puberty is the perfect training ground for this Islamic principle: acknowledging human feeling while striving for discipline. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Imran (3), Verse 134: 

‘Those who spend [in the cause of Allah] during ease and hardship, who restrain anger and who pardon the people — and Allah loves the doers of good…’ 

This verse beautifully connects emotional control to divine love. Teaching your child that Allah Almighty praises those who restrain their anger reframes self-control as an act of honour, not oppression. Reflecting on this helps them to see that resisting a poor reaction brings a spiritual reward, turning restraint into empowerment. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6114, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong person is not the one who overpowers others, but the one who controls himself when angry.’ 

This Hadith is a timeless reminder for growing children: real strength is found within. Parents can gently repeat it when emotions flare, saying, “I know your hormones feel strong, but your heart is stronger when you choose patience.” By combining empathy with accountability, you teach your child that hormones may explain feelings, but they do not excuse choices.