How do I explain that feelings are not ‘good’ or ‘bad’, but signals we should listen to? 

Parenting Perspective 

Feelings are Signals, Not Judgements 

Children often hear that some feelings are ‘bad’, like anger, jealousy, or sadness, while others are ‘good’. This can make them feel ashamed for having normal emotions or cause them to push their feelings deep inside where they can grow bigger. Teaching your child that feelings are not good or bad, but are signals from the heart, helps them to listen and respond wisely. Use gentle words: ‘Feelings are messages from our heart. They are not good or bad; they are clues to help us understand what we need.’ 

Practice and Praise 

Give your child real-life examples. ‘Anger can show us when something feels unfair. Sadness shows us that we need comfort. Happiness tells us when something is right for us.’ Practise naming feelings without judgement: ‘I feel angry,’ not ‘I am bad for feeling angry.’ You could draw this idea with your child, showing feelings as clouds that pass across the sky while the sky itself remains strong and wide. Praise your child for sharing all kinds of emotions with you, not just the easy ones. Let them see you talk about your own feelings too. Over time, these small conversations teach your child that feelings are meant to be noticed, understood, and handled gently, not hidden away or feared. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam beautifully reminds us that our hearts are guided by Allah Almighty’s mercy, and that even our most difficult feelings are known to Him. Allah Almighty says in the noble Quran at Surah Qaaf (50), Verse 16: 

‘And indeed, We have created mankind, and so We have full knowledge of all the (thoughts) he murmurs within himself; and We (Allah Almighty) are more closer to him than his jugular vein.’ 

This Ayah teaches your child that no feeling is too small or too messy for Allah Almighty to understand. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 3372, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Dua is worship.’ 

Teach your child to make a gentle prayer when their feelings feel confusing: ‘Ya Allah, help me listen to my heart and understand what it needs.’ This simple Dua helps your child to trust that feelings are a gift, not a flaw, a sign that their heart is alive and connected to the One who knows it best. By welcoming all feelings with calmness and faith, you help your child grow into someone who listens to their heart wisely and turns every emotion into an opportunity for growth and trust in Allah Almighty.