How do I celebrate very different strengths on the same day? 

Parenting Perspective 

When siblings have very different strengths, with one perhaps excelling in academics while the other shines in creativity or kindness, celebrating them fairly on the same day can feel tricky. If it is handled poorly, one child may feel overshadowed by the other’s achievement. However, if it is handled well, both children can learn the valuable lesson that their individual strengths are equally important and worthy of recognition. 

Name Each Strength Clearly and Individually 

Instead of combining your praise into vague or general comments, it is more effective to name each child’s achievement with specificity. You could say, ‘Today, I am so proud of how you worked hard on your maths test,’ and then, ‘I am also incredibly proud of how you cheered up your friend at school when they were feeling sad.’ This approach helps both children to feel equally recognised in their own right. 

Balance Public and Private Recognition 

If one child receives a very public form of recognition, such as an award at school, make sure to highlight the other child’s strength in a way that is also visible but remains distinct. This might mean hanging both of their accomplishments on the fridge side by side, or sharing a kind word about each of their successes at the dinner table. This helps to avoid one child feeling ‘lost’ in the other’s spotlight. 

Create a Family Ritual for Celebration 

You can create a simple family ritual like ‘three good things at dinner’, where each family member takes a turn to share something they are proud of or grateful for. This practice helps siblings to learn how to celebrate one another without a sense of competition, and it teaches them that achievements come in many different and equally valuable forms. 

By separating, balancing, and ritualising your recognition of their successes, you can create a family atmosphere where children learn that their worth is not measured by comparison, but by their own unique effort, growth, and contribution. 

Spiritual Insight 

In the Islamic tradition, differences in talents, strengths, and provisions are seen as part of the beautiful and diverse design of the Creator. These differences are to be recognised and honoured as unique blessings. 

Honouring the Diversity of Allah’s Blessings 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verse 71: 

‘And Allah (Almighty) has preferred some a few over others in the provisions (of this world); but those people who have been preferred (in this way), do not share their provisions, even with those people that they are legally bound to (provide for), in case (it was deemed) that they had become equal to them; then is it the benefactions of Allah (Almighty) that they discard?’ 

This verse reminds us that differences in the gifts and strengths that people are given are a part of the wise design of Allah Almighty. They should be recognised as blessings to be grateful for, not as causes for envy or comparison. 

The Prophetic Example of Honouring Diverse Strengths 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 154, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most merciful of my Ummah towards my Ummah is Abu Bakr, the strictest regarding Allah’s religion is Umar, the most modest is Uthman, and the most knowledgeable of what is lawful and unlawful is Muadh ibn Jabal.’ 

This hadith teaches us that the Prophet ﷺ would highlight and praise the different and unique strengths in his various companions, showing that greatness can come in many forms. 

By celebrating each of your children’s unique qualities side by side, you are mirroring this profound Prophetic wisdom. Your children learn from this that the diversity of their strengths is a mercy from Allah Almighty, and that every gift deserves to be recognised and celebrated without comparison.