How can we set a rule about not reading others’ messages even if the phone is open? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child sees an unlocked phone, curiosity can often overtake their conscience. They might read someone else’s messages to ‘just check something’ or to ‘have a quick peek’, not realising that this erodes trust and violates privacy. Your aim is to build their self-restraint and respect for boundaries, guiding them to understand why privacy matters, not just that they have to follow a rule. 

Explain the Principle Behind the Rule 

Begin the conversation gently: ‘Everyone deserves to have a private space, even within a family.’ Clarify that privacy is not the same as secrecy; it is a form of respect. Use a relatable example to help them understand: ‘You would not want someone to read your private journal or school chat without your permission, would you? That same respect applies to everyone else.’ This helps them to empathise before they try to rationalise their curiosity. 

State the Rule Clearly and Collectively 

Frame this boundary as a family value, not a correction aimed at a single child. 

• ‘In our family, we do not open or read messages on devices that are not ours.’ 

• ‘Even if a phone is unlocked, we must ask for permission before looking at it.’ 

Write this rule down as part of your family’s digital safety agreement. Reinforcing it as a shared value builds a sense of ownership rather than shame. 

Model the Behaviour Yourself 

Children absorb what they witness far more than what they are told. Avoid phrases like, ‘Let me just see what your sibling’s friend said.’ If you need to check your child’s messages for safety reasons, do so openly and with their knowledge: ‘I am going to review this with you, not behind your back.’ This transparency distinguishes parental responsibility from an invasion of privacy. 

Teach the ‘Pause, Ask, Respect’ Method 

Give your child a simple, three-step habit to follow when they feel tempted to look at someone else’s screen. 

• Pause: Ask themselves, ‘Would I want my own message to be read this way?’ 

• Ask: Say, ‘May I check something on your phone, please?’ 

• Respect: If the answer is no, walk away without argument. 

Create Accountability Without Accusation 

If the rule is broken, it is important to avoid a harsh reaction. Use it as a learning moment: ‘Reading someone’s messages without their permission crosses a boundary. Let us talk about how we can fix this.’ Guide them through a process of restitution, which might involve a sincere apology or recommitting to the family rule. The focus should be on rebuilding integrity, not on inducing guilt. 

Spiritual Insight 

Respecting the privacy of others is a fundamental part of amanah—the moral trust that should exist between people. Islam strictly forbids spying, eavesdropping, or seeking to uncover that which others have kept private. Teaching this value transforms a digital rule into a spiritual discipline of restraint and respect. 

Respecting Privacy Is a Divine Command 

The Quran reminds us that looking into the private matters of others without their permission is a sinful act that breaks trust and damages hearts. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 12: 

‘Those of you who have believed, abstain as much as you can from cynical thinking (about one another); as some of that cynical thinking is a sin; and do not spy (on each other) and do not let some of you backbite against others…’ 

You can tell your child, ‘Even if a phone is left open, Allah sees the choice you make. Turning your eyes away is an act of obedience. It is a way of protecting someone else’s honour and your own record before Him.’ 

Honour Through Self-Restraint 

The teachings of our Prophet ﷺ define a true Muslim as someone from whom others are safe. This safety extends to the digital realm. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 41, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The Muslim is the one from whose tongue and hand the people are safe.’ 

You can explain that this hadith also applies to our fingers on a phone screen. ‘If people feel safe from your eyes and your screens, you are living the example of this hadith.’ 

Remind them that respecting privacy is not a weakness; it is a sign of spiritual strength. In a world that often rewards curiosity, choosing restraint is an act of faith.