How can we practise handling unfair judging in competitions? 

Parenting Perspective 

Facing unfair judging can be demoralising for a child, stirring emotions of injustice, anger, or self doubt. The core challenge is addressing their feeling of powerlessness. Validating this is essential: ‘I can see you feel frustrated — that shows you care deeply about doing your best.’ By framing the experience as an opportunity to practise composure and self regulation, you empower your child to develop resilience independently of external recognition. 

The Resilience and Composure Plan 

Role Play Different Judging Scenarios 

Simulated practice builds emotional muscle memory for real events. 

• Micro action: At home, simulate mild unfair feedback from a judge or audience member. Ask the child to respond verbally while maintaining calm posture and tone. 

• Parent script: ‘Let us practise saying “Thank you for your feedback” even if you disagree.’ This helps them internalise polite acknowledgement without internalising the judgement. 

Identify Controllable Elements 

Guide your child to focus solely on aspects they can control, separating self-worth from the judge’s bias. 

• Micro action: Before each practice or event, ask them to list three actions they can manage (e.g., tone, posture, clarity). 

• Parent script: ‘Your delivery is yours — the response of others is not.’ This teaches agency over effort, helping them separate performance from external validation. 

Debrief and Reframe After Practice 

After a mock or real competition, discuss the experience calmly, ensuring the focus remains on growth and skill-building. 

• Micro action: Have the child note what went well and what could improve next time. 

• Parent script: ‘We cannot control every judge, but we can always control how well we present ourselves.’ Reframing the focus prevents the sting of perceived unfairness from undermining confidence. 

Use Positive Internal Dialogue 

Teach the child to rehearse affirmations that stabilise their mindset under pressure. 

• Micro action: Silently repeat: ‘I did my best and that is what matters to Allah and me.’ before stepping on stage. 

• Parent script: ‘Let these words remind you that effort counts, not just judgement.’ This strengthens internal resilience and emotional regulation. 

Practice Perspective Taking 

Encourage the child to consider benign reasons for the unfair judging (misunderstanding, bias, human error). 

• Micro action: Ask, ‘Could the judge have seen it differently?’ 

• Parent script: ‘Seeing another perspective helps your heart stay steady.’ This cultivates empathy and detachment. 

Spiritual Insight 

Practising calm, measured responses to unfair judging mirrors the prophetic guidance of patience, dignity, and steadfastness. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran in Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verses 286: 

‘Allah (Almighty) does not place any burden on any human being except that which is within his capacity…’ 

This verse reassures children that challenges, including unfair treatment, are within their capacity to manage. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 5641, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that.’ 

By practising calm, measured responses, children mirror the prophetic guidance of patience, dignity, and steadfastness. They learn that while external recognition may falter, their sincerity, effort, and moral conduct remain seen and valued by Allah Almighty. This dual focus—practical strategies for composure and spiritual grounding in perseverance—equips them to navigate competition with confidence, humility, and resilience.