How can they reset after getting competitive and gloating? 

Parenting Perspective 

Competition can bring out both the best and the worst in our children. It can teach them the virtues of perseverance and of effort, but when their excitement turns into a form of gloating, it can also bruise friendships and harm the hearts of others. A child who wins and then exclaims, ‘I am better than you!’, or who laughs when another person loses, does not always intend to cause harm. They are often still learning how to manage their feelings of pride and of empathy at the same time. Helping your child to reset after a moment of gloating is not just about telling them to say sorry; it is about teaching them the art of grace in victory, of respect in play, and of compassion in success. 

Address the Feeling Behind the Gloat 

It is important to begin by separating your child’s emotion from their behaviour. You could say, ‘It is okay to feel proud when you win. It means that you have worked hard. However, it is not okay to make someone else feel small about it.’ This helps to normalise their pride in their effort, while also redirecting it towards a sense of humility. You can explain to them that gloating often comes from a place of excitement, not of cruelty, but that it can still make other people feel hurt or excluded. 

Teach the ‘Win Kindly, Lose Gracefully’ Rule 

You can introduce a simple family motto to help them to remember the correct etiquette in these moments: ‘Play hard, win kindly, and lose gracefully.’ You can then make this more practical for them. 

• When you win, you can say, ‘Good game, that was a lot of fun!’ 

• When you lose, you can say, ‘You played really well. Let us try again another time.’ 

These simple habits can help to turn a sense of competition into one of connection. You can practise them during your own family games so that they become second nature for your child when they are playing with others. 

Reframe Success as a Form of Shared Joy 

You can explain to your child that the best winners are those who make everyone else want to play again. You could say, ‘A real winner does not just win the game; they make other people feel good about the effort that they have made.’ You can teach them that a sense of humility does not mean pretending not to be happy about their win; it means being grateful for it, rather than being boastful. This helps to keep their confidence grounded in thankfulness, not in a sense of comparison. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, a sense of competition can be a positive thing when it inspires a person to grow, without leading them to a state of arrogance. The fine line between a healthy sense of ambition and a dangerous sense of pride lies in the intention of our hearts. Teaching your child how to reset after a moment of gloating is a way of teaching them how to cleanse their own intention (niyyah), to replace their pride with a sense of gratitude, and their feelings of rivalry with a sense of humility. 

A Reminder Against Arrogance in Success 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Qasas (28), Verse 76: 

‘Indeed, Qaaroon was one of the (members of) the nation of (Prophet) Musa (AS); but he oppressed them; and We (Allah Almighty) had bestowed upon him such treasures, indeed, whose keys (to open the treasures) would have become a burden on a group of (ten men or more), possessing great strength; when his people (observing his arrogance) said to him: “Do not gloat (in your worldly riches), as indeed, Allah (Almighty) does not like those who revel (in vanity)”.’ 

This verse reminds us that a sense of arrogance, even when it comes in a moment of success, can distance us from the love of Allah. When your child is able to learn how to feel a sense of joy in their own success, without belittling the efforts of others, they are practising the kind of humility that can keep their blessings pure. 

The Prophetic Teaching on True Strength 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6114, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong man is not the one who overcomes others by force, but the one who controls himself when angry.’ 

While this hadith speaks specifically about the emotion of anger, its wisdom can be extended to the act of self-control in all of our emotions, including a sense of pride. True strength lies not in the act of winning, but in the art of mastering our own ego afterwards. 

Helping your child to reset after a moment of gloating can teach them that a victory is not truly complete without a sense of kindness. They can learn that the best moments of success are the ones that are shared, not the ones that are shown off. They can also learn that a sense of pride, if it is left unchecked, can shrink the heart, while a sense of gratitude is what allows it to expand. 

Your own calm coaching in these moments, guiding them to say sorry, to show their care for the other person, and to move forward with a sense of grace, can help to transform their natural competitiveness into a noble character trait. Over time, they will come to see that being gracious does not dull their achievement; it magnifies it by earning them the respect of others. 

Spiritually, the quality of humility is what keeps our blessings safe. When your child is able to win with grace and to reset with sincerity, they are embodying one of the finest virtues in Islam, the virtue of tawadu‘, a gentle sense of humility before other people and before Allah Almighty.