How can parents rebuild confidence when they feel ‘outsmarted’ by their child’s digital skills? 

Parenting Perspective 

It is perfectly natural for parents to feel ‘outsmarted’ when their children master new apps, games, or digital platforms with seemingly effortless speed. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy, frustration, and even a sense that their parental authority is diminishing. It is crucial to remember that parenting is not about knowing every technical detail; it is about guiding with wisdom, values, and emotional maturity. Parents can rebuild their confidence by reframing their role and engaging with their child’s skills in a positive way. 

Recognise That Your Authority Is Not Technical 

Remind yourself that your primary role as a parent is to shape your child’s values and character, not to be the family’s tech expert. You can affirm this to your child by saying: ‘You may know more about this platform than I do, but I bring the life experience we need to decide together how to use it wisely.’ This maintains your authority without creating a competition. 

Turn ‘Being Outsmarted’ Into Collaboration 

Instead of feeling threatened by their knowledge, invite your child to teach you about the platforms they use. This approach both affirms their skills and reinforces the principle of mutual respect. You could say: ‘I would like you to show me how this works; it is great that you know so much about it.’ This simple shift in approach can turn potential rivalry into bonding. 

Celebrate Your Child’s Skills as Strengths 

Learn to view your child’s digital fluency as an asset for the family. Encourage them to use their skills responsibly, perhaps by helping younger siblings with their digital homework, teaching a grandparent how to use a device, or even pursuing creative projects like coding. This shows them you are proud of their ability, while still steering how that ability is used. 

Rebuild Confidence Through Your Own Strengths 

Remember that while your child may excel in the digital world, they will always rely on you for guidance in other crucial areas of life, such as navigating relationships, building resilience, and understanding their faith. Focusing on the wisdom and support that only you can provide will restore your confidence in your unique role as a parent. 

By reframing your perspective in this way, you can move from a position of insecurity to one of empowerment, showing your child that true authority is rooted in wisdom and care, not in trying to outpace technology. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that knowledge manifests in many different forms, and that true honour is found not in mere technical mastery, but in the wisdom, humility, and righteous application of what we know. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Yusuf (12), Verses 22: 

‘And when he (Prophet Yusuf (AS)) reached the full strength (of his maturity), We (Allah Almighty) bestowed upon him deep wisdom and (existential) knowledge; and this is how We (Allah Almighty) reward the benevolent people.‘ 

This verse reminds us that true, beneficial knowledge from Allah is something that is paired with sound judgment (hukm). Technical skill without the wisdom to use it correctly is incomplete. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, 2664, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, while there is good in both. Strive for that which will benefit you, seek the help of Allah, and do not feel helpless.’ 

This teaching encourages us to focus on our own strengths and strive to use our abilities for good, rather than feeling helpless or comparing ourselves to others. A parent’s strength is in their wisdom and guidance, and this is what they should focus on. 

By grounding their parental role in faith, parents can see that being ‘outsmarted’ on a technical level is not a failure. Their true and irreplaceable role is to guide, protect, and nurture with the wisdom that comes from life experience. Over time, this teaches children that respect is earned not by who knows the most about apps, but by who lives their life with dignity, sincerity, and responsibility before Allah Almighty.