Parenting Perspective 

It is painful to watch your child be valued only for what they can provide. The goal is to help them recognise patterns of one-way friendship without making them cynical. Begin by naming the pattern gently: ‘Sometimes people like us for our skills, notes, toys, or contacts more than for who we are. Our job is to notice the signs and set kind boundaries.’ Framing it this way validates their feelings and gives them a calm plan. 

Notice the tell-tale patterns 

Teach your child to look for repetition: the friend mostly calls when they need homework answers, game items, lifts, or money; conversations end quickly once the need is met; apologies or thanks are minimal; plans rarely happen unless your child pays or arranges everything. Ask reflective questions: ‘When do they message most? How do you feel after the chat ends? Full or drained?’ A consistent drip of feeling small is data. 

Teach boundary scripts 

Rehearse short, respectful lines that create space without drama: ‘I cannot send my answers, but I can explain one example on call.’ ‘I cannot top up today. Let us plan something that costs nothing.’ ‘I am not free to help right now.’ Practise tone and posture at home. Role-play both gentle and firm versions so your child has a range. A boundary is successful if it stays kind and clear. 

Test for reciprocity 

Suggest a small, reasonable request and observe. ‘I need help revising two topics. Can we swap questions?’ ‘Can you ask your parents if they can host this time?’ Genuine friends flex. Users disappear, guilt-trip, or change the subject. Make a simple rating habit after interactions: effort, respect, joy. Any relationship that always scores low needs distance. 

Expand healthy circles 

One reason children tolerate using is fear of losing the group. Help them invest in at least two other circles: a values-aligned club, a cousin group chat, or a neighbour sports team. When belonging has options, boundaries feel safer. Encourage ‘anchor friends’ who celebrate their wins and accept their no. Praise your child’s discernment whenever they protect their peace. 

Plan graceful exits 

If the friendship must cool, keep it simple. Reduce availability, reply later, and move conversations to public settings. There is no need for a speech unless asked. If manipulation appears, use one repeat line: ‘I am not comfortable with that.’ After that, step away. Remind your child that self-respect is not unkindness. It is how we make space for sincere people. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam invites us to choose companionship that nourishes faith and character. We are not required to be available for exploitation. Teach your child that Allah Almighty honours sincerity, truthfulness, and mutual care, and that boundaries protect these qualities. 

Quranic Ayah 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verses 28–29: 

 ‘“Woe be unto me, how I wish that I had not taken so-and-so as a friend. Indeed, he led me on the pathway of error, away from realisation, after it had been offered to me”…’ 

 Use this verse to open a gentle conversation: some friendships pull us from remembrance, self-respect, and fairness. Ask, ‘After time with this friend, do you feel closer to Allah Almighty, kinder, more honest, or do you feel smaller and pressured?’ When the answer is the latter, the Quran is already giving guidance. 

Hadith Guidance 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2378, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

 ‘A man is upon the religion of his friend, so let one of you look at whom he befriends.’ 

 Explain that ‘religion’ here includes daily mindset, habits, and the direction of the heart. If a friend only reaches out to take, then the current ‘direction’ of that bond is away from ihsan. Help your child see that choosing kinder companions is an act of worship, not social climbing. 

Making it real 

Link each boundary script to intention: ‘I am saying no to copying answers to protect honesty.’ ‘I am limiting lending to protect fairness to my family.’ Connect healthier friendships to worship: invite friends to Salah breaks during study, suggest sharing notes fairly, plan no-cost hangouts. When your child acts from taqwa, they feel less guilty and more grounded. End by reminding them that Allah Almighty sees every small act of self-respect done to preserve truth and dignity. That calm certainty is the opposite of being used.