How can mothers and fathers individually support sons and daughters through early signs of puberty? 

Parenting Perspective 

When children first experience signs of puberty, they naturally look to their parents for reassurance even if they do not say it out loud. Both mothers and fathers hold unique, complementary roles in guiding their sons and daughters through these changes. The way each parent responds during this stage can shape how their child views gender, confidence, and faith for years to come. 

Many families unintentionally leave this conversation to one parent, often the mother, while the father remains distant. Yet, both parents carry a vital share of the responsibility. Mothers often provide empathy and comfort; fathers offer structure and perspective. When these roles blend, a child receives the emotional and spiritual balance needed to grow with self-respect and security. 

A Mother’s Guidance: Nurture, Reassure, and Normalise 

For daughters, early puberty can bring both wonder and anxiety. A mother’s voice becomes the first lens through which her daughter understands womanhood. The mother’s task is to transform what might feel confusing into something dignified and calm. 

• Frame Changes as Design: She can begin by naming the changes as part of Allah Almighty’s design: ‘As you grow, Allah Almighty is helping your body get ready for new responsibilities. These changes are not scary; they show that you are healthy and strong.’ This moves the discussion away from embarrassment and toward gratitude. 

• Teach Practical Readiness: A mother should speak gently about menstruation, hygiene, and modesty, presenting them as acts of faith rather than burdens. Showing her daughter how to manage these changes practically from preparing personal hygiene items to explaining ghusl and prayer adjustments empowers the girl with readiness instead of fear. 

• Model Confidence: When mothers model self-care and confidence, their daughters learn that being a woman in Islam is both graceful and honoured. Boys, too, benefit from their mothers’ compassion. When a mother remains calm and patient while explaining body odour, hair growth, or emotional changes, her tone communicates acceptance and unconditional support. 

A Father’s Guidance: Affirm, Respect, and Model Strength with Humility 

Fathers often underestimate how much their sons need guidance about puberty. When a father initiates these conversations, even briefly, it tells his son that masculinity is not a mystery to figure out alone. Boys who only learn from peers may adopt distorted ideas of manhood or body confidence. 

• Affirm Responsibility: A father can start small, choosing moments that feel natural, such as after prayer or while working together. He can say, ‘You might notice your voice or body changing soon. Allah Almighty made these signs to show that you are growing into responsibility. When you care for your body and stay respectful, you honour Him.’ 

• Provide Practical Instruction: Practical teaching about cleanliness, trimming body hair, using deodorant, or preparing for ghusl should come from a father when possible. These moments should be simple, private, and kind never framed as lectures or corrections. Sons who experience this support learn that maturity includes both hygiene and humility. 

• Support Daughters Indirectly: Fathers also play an essential role in supporting daughters indirectly. When a father treats his wife and female relatives with respect, gratitude, and calm, daughters see that womanhood commands honour. His kindness teaches them that the changes in their body are linked with dignity, not discomfort. 

Shared Support: Creating a Home Without Shame 

Both parents must ensure that their home’s atmosphere makes questions safe. When a child senses that no topic is off-limits, they will not turn to unreliable sources. A simple line such as, ‘You can always ask me anything about your body or emotions, and I will answer honestly,’ builds lifelong trust. 

Parents can also coordinate privately to ensure consistency. For instance, a father may check if his son needs new personal hygiene products, while the mother explains emotional changes to her daughter. Neither role is strictly limited by gender, but mutual support ensures that both boys and girls feel seen and guided. Above all, parents should speak about puberty as a shared stage of growth, not as an embarrassing boundary. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam honours both the maternal and paternal roles in nurturing children. Each parent provides a reflection of Allah Almighty’s care the mother through compassion and comfort, the father through guidance and protection. When both work together, the child experiences the balance of mercy and discipline that faith encourages. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Luqman (31), Verse 14: 

‘And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination…’ 

This verse highlights the tenderness of the mother’s role and the gratitude due to both parents. It reminds families that nurturing through growth is part of worship. 

Reflective insight: After reading this verse, a mother could tell her child, ‘Allah Almighty knows how hard mothers work to help their children grow strong even when it means seeing them change before their eyes. Every act of care I give you is part of what He asks of me.’ This reflection roots parental love in divine command, giving the child comfort and reverence for their parents’ efforts. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 1829, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Every one of you is a shepherd, and every one of you will be asked about his flock.’ 

This hadith gives both mothers and fathers sacred accountability. Supporting children through puberty is not a social duty; it is part of the amanah entrusted by Allah Almighty. Parents are not only caretakers of the child’s health but of their emotional and spiritual understanding. 

When mothers provide tenderness and fathers model composure, children learn to integrate both mercy and discipline within themselves. They see that being male or female in Islam is not about comparison, but about honouring the distinct gifts Allah Almighty has given each. By guiding their sons and daughters patiently, both parents mirror the compassion of Allah Ar Rahman and the justice of Allah Al Hakeem. Together, they prepare their children not just for physical maturity, but for the spiritual responsibility that comes with it. 

A child who experiences this balanced guidance enters puberty with calm confidence certain that growth is not a secret to hide, but a trust from Allah Almighty to cherish.