How can I teach a simple ‘name it, breathe it, decide’ routine? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children often experience their emotions as overwhelming waves, but they may lack the tools to regulate them effectively. A short and memorable routine, such as ‘name it, breathe it, decide’, can give them a practical method to pause, process their feelings, and respond more calmly. Teaching this routine consistently helps to turn it into a positive habit that supports both emotional control and wiser choices. 

Step One: Name the Feeling 

Help your child to put words to their emotion by saying, for example, ‘I feel angry,’ ‘I feel nervous,’ or ‘I feel excited.’ The simple act of labelling an emotion reduces its intensity and makes it feel less frightening and more manageable. You can model this in your own daily life by narrating your feelings out loud. 

Step Two: Breathe to Create Space 

Teach your child to take two or three slow, deep breaths as soon as they have named the feeling. It can be helpful to guide them with visual cues, such as pretending to blow up an imaginary balloon or slowly tracing a square on the table with their finger while they breathe. Breathing calms the body’s stress response and helps to clear the mind for better thinking. 

Step Three: Decide on a Wise Response 

After naming the feeling and taking a few breaths, invite your child to ask themselves, ‘What is the best choice I can make right now?’ It is useful to provide them with some examples, such as walking away from the situation, using their words instead of shouting, or asking a grown-up for help. Over time, children learn that they can choose their response instead of being controlled by their emotions. 

This routine is most effective when it is first practised during calm moments, so that it becomes familiar and accessible to your child during real-life challenges. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Islamic tradition strongly encourages believers to pause before acting on strong emotions, particularly anger, and provides practical guidance on how to achieve a state of calm. 

The Islamic Value of Pausing Before Reacting 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verse 43: 

‘And for the person who is patient and forgiving, indeed, (these acts are derived from) higher moral determination.’ 

This verse reminds us that true strength lies in our ability to pause, hold back a hasty reaction, and choose a response of patience or forgiveness instead. 

Prophetic Guidance on Calming Strong Emotions 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4782, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘If one of you becomes angry while standing, let him sit down. If the anger leaves him, well and good; otherwise, let him lie down.’ 

This hadith teaches us that taking intentional, physical steps, such as changing our posture and slowing down our bodies, is a highly effective way of calming strong emotions before we decide how to act. 

By teaching children the ‘name it, breathe it, decide’ routine, parents are giving them both a psychological strategy and a spiritual practice. The routine reflects the core Islamic value of self-control, showing that strength lies not in reacting quickly, but in choosing wisely. Over time, children learn that making calm and considered decisions brings both emotional peace and a divine reward.